Our other children - as the holidays approach

Everytime the Holidays approach I start thinking about Michael and Kelley and what I can do to help remember them at this time of year. I am buying toys for children that would have been their age if they had lived to give to the Salvation Army to distribute and I am searching for special Angel ornaments to hang on the tree this year.

My 6 year old J.C. is also remembering them. On Halloween we were dressing up for a costume party and he said "Will Michael and Kelley be at the party as Angels?" I told him that they are always with us as angels but that he couldn't see them. I thought it was interesting that at the time my thoughts turn to these two angels, JC's does too.

...MaryBeth... I believe that the little ones I lost are forever watching over the two that we have now with us on this earth. It makes all of my children so very special and unique...(Marcia)

...Marcia...I like that you think your forever babies are watching over your children on earth. I totally agree with you.

When Jennifer (my earth angel baby) was born, she had a huge angel kiss/stork bite on the back of her neck. We call that Mikaela's (my angel baby in heaven) kiss. We know that Mikaela watches over Jenny, and us, every day... and that helps.

Thank you for saying Jennifer is blessed to have us as parents. We are the blessed ones, though. :>

As the holidays approach I find it difficult to deal with the fact that our son, Joseph Kyle, will not be here AGAIN.

He was stillborn on January 23, 1996 due to a cord accident. The difficulty with the holidays is compounded by the dreaded anniversary I know is just around the corner in January. It will be two years.

Kyle's lasting gift to me is compassion. He taught me that, through my pain, I can reach out to others who have been through a similar loss. I certainly cannot make their hurts go away but I can be there with a hug, a tear, and sincerely sympathy. Each time I speak to another grieving parent....Kyle is there.

Since losing Kyle we have had another child, a beautiful and healthy daughter named Lauren. She is precious in her own rite but can never replace her big brother...nor would we want her to.

My intense love for Lauren is also a gift from Kyle. Having lost a child, I know how precious life is. She knows every minute of each day the love her father and I feel for her.

I think the love felt by a parent who has lost a child is at such a different level than by one who has never lost. It's easy to take for granted what has always been there. Until you have lost...you don't, or can't, understand.

Best Wishes and Continued Healing to all. How wonderful to have a forum such as this for parents to SHARE.

We also have an orange tree in our yard planted for Sean and Brenden knows it "nean's " tree and loves to water it with the waterhose whenever we are outside.

I think it's so important for him to grow up knowing all about Sean just like he would any other sibling. I'd hate to have him ask 10 years from now "mom, whose this baby? It doesn't look like me". And then find out he'd been kept in the dark.

Today is the day 3 years ago that my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our fourth child and though misgivings were present because our youngest son was only 6 mos old we were happy. Also today we are going to the doctor to see our now 6th child on ultrasound for the first time. Since Joshua was born we have been blessed with a healthy daughter, but I still feel the loss of him in our family.

Our 2 older sons still still worry every time I go to the doctor that this baby won't come home those thoughts are mine and my husband's also.

When I gave birth to Sandra our 18mo old daughter they were so scared I wouldn't come home with a new baby that my then 5 year old wouldn't talk to me on the phone before she was born. After they looked at me and said "Mommy do we get to keep this or does God get her too?"

Today we remember our beautiful son so perfect yet too soon.

Although it has been 4 years since you joined Jesus in Heaven, I just wanted to let you know that I think of you always and wonder how you are and so much want to hold you and tell you how much I love you.

I often tell your brothers about their guardian angel who is lovingly watching over them. Please always know how much Mommy loves you and knows that someday there will a time when I will be with you to kiss you and cuddle you forever...but until then...I will look at the beautiful flowers and the pretty sunsets and think of you. I love you little Angel of Mine.

It has always been hard to keep Angelica's memory alive. She never shared in the household meyhem. We lost her before we really knew her.

We have her picture up in the hall with the rest of the birth pictures of our living children. My older boys are very proud of this picture and show it to anyone who will look at it. Our younger daughter knows it is her sister and someday she will know the whole story of how Angelica's death helped lead to her birth.

We celebrate her birthday every year at Valentine's day. We ususally have cake at the cemetary. The kids look forward to this and in fact asked to make sure we were still doing it this past year.

Of course her name means angel so we have a special place in all of our hearts for angels. The best thing we did after her death was to plant crocus at her grave site because they bloom every year right at her birthday.

We love you. We know you are smiling down on your brother and sisters as they grow up. You will always be my special little angel baby.

I will think fondly of you as I see fireworks every year. I knew you were alive on the fourth of July and thought of ways to tell your father about you. There was nothing more beautiful than watching the sky and dreaming of you.

When I eat green olives which I craved so badly as I carried you I think of you. I will laugh when I think of how I found out you were inside me. I will smile when I think of how you announced yourself to me with your little kicks as I laid in bed at night.

You will always hold a special place in our hearts as our third child. Your older sister remembers you and speaks of you and draws pictures of you in purple wings. She is sure you are her guardian angel.

Thank you for showing me so much about the value of life. We will always remember you and love you. Love, Mommy

I went out on bed rest for almost 3 months - but I had my little girl -Alyiah Renee on Dec 15th - she is such a darling and I am so blessed. She was three weeks early at 7lbs and 3oz - she did have a problem with the transition so she had to stay in the NIC unit for a week - but God was good and she is doing well. The house is crazy as you can imagine with a newborn, my 16 month old and my 8 year old! I have come a long way from that day in November when we lost Isaac - God is amazing!

I do have a question for you. My 8 year old has been asking questions about Isaac - specifically where is he buried. When we lost him, the hospital suggested that we cremate after the autopsy - which we did - and ever since I have wondered if that was the best or right thing to do.

My husband and I are not sure how to really respond, I have thought that maybe we should even consider getting a grave site to represent Isaac. I would really appreciate your thoughts on this.

Thanks for all you do, Lisa

Marcia's thoughts: Lisa, Congratulations on the arrival of Alyiah Renee!! How wonderful! Please send Jennifer a birth announcement email so we can include her in our New Arrivals section of our upcoming newsletter...we would love to do that.

As to your son, you might want to consider ordering a brick in your baby's memory and going out as a family and putting it in the pathway. Many of our parents do that and it helps both them and any older children.

Having a safe haven to visit often helps to have some resolution. The decision to cremate was made (we did, too) and I believe for many of us - given the situation at the time (shock! and no where to bury), it is a wise one. You can't go back, anyways.

One good thing about cremation, you can bury your baby WITH you someday or spread the small amount of ashes whereever you choose. Many of our parents keep the ashes in a pretty box in a safe and meaningful place. Some have put a few of them under their brick and made that a very special place.

Explaining all of this to an eight year old depends on the child. He may be very pleased to have a PLACE where special memories are....that you can visit. The children love the angel!! and garden.

The process of cremation is hard to understand, I think, for children...mine didn't care for it when they were younger. There may be a book about cremation for children...if there is we need to find it! But, as they grew they understood it and felt okay about it.If you believe in heaven and baby angels that often is very comforting for children. Releasing a balloon to Isaac with a note (or picture) that you wrote together might help.

If he insists on seeing where you buried Isaac then you may have to be gently truthful about the cremation...that you wanted to keep Isaac in a safe place until you knew where to safely put him to rest so you have his ashes in a small, pretty box. If you act sure about what you did, your son, most likely will respond positively. It is a line that you will have to walk.