Letters and Poems

The pain my sister, Karen, has gone through tears at my very soul.

Karen knew Rebekah was no longer alive 2 days prior to her due date. She did not say anything. We had just had a loss of a grandmother and she did not want to scare anyone incase her motherly instinct was wrong.

When she went to hospital with cramps, they told her Rebekah was gone. I was not there at the time and received a call from our mother at work. I rushed to be at my sisters side.

After Rebekah was born, we were able to hold her. They put a pink rose on my sisters room. The pain I felt (and still feel) was almost unbearable. I can't imagine what my sister felt.

It seems so senseless and yet the Lord needed Rebekah for something. I know that she is safe in the Lord's arms yet the pain is still there.

My sister had buried her grief until her other daughter turned 2 last month. Then all the pain and anger came out. I am trying to help her deal with this and feel very helpless.

I am not sure too many family members get to voice this kind of story. I love my sister and I pray to the Lord that she will find peace in her heart.

A close friend of mine lost her baby in December 1996 three days after birth to hypoplastic heart condition.

I was looking on the internet to find some kind of help for her. Although my friend has several family members and close friends to be here for her, none of us have experienced the pain of loosing a child so early.

She is understandably grieving. But all of the grieving is causing mass confusion for her. Her husband and her have remarkably grown closer through all of this.

I was wondering if you knew of a SHARE group in ### that might be of help to her. She is a very private person, and at this point has no desire to join a support group. But she may need one in the future.

I feel she needs the companionship of people who can relate to her loss. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Your web page was very touching and my prayers are with all of those who have experienced such a great loss. I feel in my heart that your organization is an asset to many. Thank You for your compassion and words of wisdom. Sincerely, G.

Marcia's Comments:

Thank you for writing and for your kind words of support.

You have already begun to help your friend by realizing her need to grieve. You have sought help for yourself in understanding what is happening, now she needs you to "let her grieve - her way". She needs for you to continue to listen and support her as she asks.

You may wish to run off some of our pages - especially some of the Coping Ideas and offer them to her if she wants to read them - later. She might be open to learning a little more about what she is moving through - especially if she does not feel threatened or hurried.

We at SHARE also appreciate that at the six month place, shock has worn off and the reality of "empty arms" is very strong. So your friend may be having a particularly difficult time right now - and that would be normal.

Sometimes, family and friends are ready to move on right at the time that the mother becomes fully aware of her loss. Hard to believe, but very true. Most parents and the people around them don't realize this fact - that's why understanding grief and groups such as SHARE are so important! Grieving, usually does not end in a few weeks or a few months - a year or more is very normal.

As to a group in your state, please e-mail National SHARE (found in our site in Upcoming Events). They have a huge listing of groups.

Thanks for being such a special friend. Invite her to visit our page - if she wants. Thanks for writing. Marcia

I never got to see you or ever feel the tummy of your mommy's belly. I miss you dearly...I was thinking of you today and had to call your mom, to cry to her about how much I miss and love you.

Even though it was not me who had you, I can feel the pain that my sister is having. Every time I think of someone having a baby I hurt for her. I cry for her. Knowing that she wanted you so badly. Then I have to think that she will get to see you and hold you one day in heaven. But, for now you can play with Russo. And your great-grandparents. I love you, Kada!!!!!

Visit

You were such a beautiful child. I have never seen such a pretty newborn. I was one of the few lucky ones who got to hold you and love you even for a brief moment.

When I heard the news of your death I was greatly affected. Not only was I saddened at the loss of you, but also for the trememdous loss of my close friends, your parents.

Your mom and dad love you very much and so do I. I now have a daughter of my own and I thank God she is able to play with your big brother, Brenden. I know you are looking down from Heaven and smiling on all of us. You are our little angel Sean, and we miss you.

Courtney, our firstborn, died from severe metabolic acidosis 20 hours after birth. Naomi, the aunt after whom Courtney was named, wrote this poem in her memory.

You asked if it would be OK to put "Heaven's Choice" on to the Family and Friends page - that would be great. And I'll let my sister, Naomi, know. She's my twin - she still doesn't know how to help me or John, but her poem has helped us a lot. We also used it as part of Courtney's funeral service. I know that Naomi will be pleased if she can reach out and support others as well.

This is for baby Conner of Virginia, USA who died on 1st February before his mother knew he existed. I want her to know that there are folks who feel for her even if they cant pretend to know what she is going through. Trevor ~ Perth, Scotland

Please let me relate this rather long story. I can remember it today as if it only happened yesterday.

My sister called up to visit us - we lived about a mile from each other and my sister and my wife are as close as REAL sisters and not sisters-in-law. I was ushered into the sitting room while my sister and Maureen, my wife, discussed womens' things.

Why we men are not allowed to eavesdrop on these conversations has always puzzled me. Anyway, I knew better than to question either of them. My sister did seem to be somewhat upset and I thought she might be wanting a lift somewhere or maybe she was going to ask if we'd look after her dog for a few days. I thought of everything but the real thing.

After about fifteen minutes Maureen came into the sitting room and quitely told me that our niece, my sister's daughter, had lost the baby she had been carrying. I was quite upset as I always liked my niece a great deal and knew she was looking forward to having this little baby.

My wife said that she and my sister were going down to my sister's house and that they would be back soon. They did indeed return within half an hour and they had our niece with them.

I was quite surprised as I was of the opinion that she should be in hospital. (What do we men know?!) I called Maureen to one side and said "I thought you said Eleanor (our niece) had lost the baby". This was because, looking at her she still appeared extremely 'pregnant'. Maureen explained to me that the little baby had died inside of our niece. She further explained that our niece would have to be taken into hospital at some future date where she would be induced to deliver her 'dead' baby. This was really too much for me.

I could not undersdtand how a woman could bear that amount of pain, that excess of diappointment, that torture of having to go into a hospital, occupy a bed adjacent to other women who unlike you, would give birth to a baby while you would go through pain and heartache to deliver something that God had taken from you. These thoughts stayed with me for quite some time after that day. No matter what I did, I could not get them out of my mind.

When this has happened to me before I always found that once I put what I am feeling on to paper, the pain eases and eventually goes away altogether. That was how I came to write this little poem.

I imagined that I was my niece and that I had lost this little baby. I hope you don't find my little poem offensive.

Please say a brief prayer for my loving sister Connie. She has had the misfortune of becoming pregnant and then having the babies heart stop during her first trimester. This resulted im a miscarrige. Another sad piece of information is that I believe it to be the second or third time this has happened.

I grieve for her loss, and hope that she may find hope for the future of her trying again. Please if just for a brief moment ask the good lord to help her through this. Thank you all for you help, sincerely... Tim

I have a good friend of mine whose child, Erin, died right after birth. This was five years ago but she is still grieving deeply.

I don't think many people can understand what the parents go through, especially the mother. Her friends don't understand and either distance themselves or send her pictures of their new, healthy babies.

I don't think anyone ever completely gets over a loss such as this. It's hard to come to terms and start moving forward in life again. I hope others will join me in praying for my friend, Mary. I hope you find peace and are able to start living again.

Marcia's thoughts: Bless you for being such a supportive friend of your friend Mary. We all need people like you when we are hurting. I believe that the holidays plus other unknowns (or things we're not aware of) can cause renewed sense of loss and grief.

You are correct when you say we never get over something like this, but we do have choices as to how we cope with our loss and grief. We spend much time discussing these options in our group and on this website. It does take an awareness by the grieving person that they want to work through their grief and then search for options. A supportive listener is one of the most important ways a person can heal.

Know that you can gently offer Mary options when she seems ready - options that will allow her to work through her grief, not deny it. Sometimes folks become ready to read the information on the site or call for it which then opens other windows for healing.

My nephew Lincoln was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation due to a Strep B infection in the uterus. He was to be the first child for my brother and his partner and the third grandson for my parents.

We really felt him missing from our Christmas celebrations this year and as my own two sons grow older I am sad that they don't have their little cousin with them.

It's a helpless feeling being the big sister and not being able to take away the pain I know he still very much feels.

I have only just discovered the Share Atlanta website and already has made a difference in my life. Its a wonderful feeling to know that support and understanding is only a key stroke away - from people who know exactly how much and how deeps it hurts to lose a child. I hope to get in touch with others and continue to enjoy the helpful thoughts and experience of other parents on the web site.

Renton Travers Son of Leonie, now with her baby in heaven, and Neville. An angel remembered with love by his sister Donna and his niece, Emily, who would have liked to know her uncle Renton. xxxxxxxx

On Dec.27th 1999 Timmothy JR. was forced to come into this world just 2 weeks earlier than planned. His mother(Stacey) and father(Tim) were driving to there usual Dr.apt and on the way there a woman had pulled out in front of them and they couldn't do anything to stop.

The woman who pulled out in front of them died on the sceen, and Stacey was rushed to the hospital with a broken feemer, (she was due with little Timmothy in just 2 weeks). Tim her husband stayed by her side the whole time. Stacey needed surgery on her leg so they had to deliver baby Timmothy.

After birth Timmothy lived a very short 50 mins, due to the car accident. He was in this world a very short time and touched so many lives in that time. It was the saddest thing in this world.

This was Stacey's 3rd pregnancy. The other 2 she lost due to misscarrages. This time she was home free to a healthy baby boy - until that fatal day, Dec 27th, 1999.

I'm her cousin and it's very hard for me to handle the loss let alone imagine their feeling of pain.

To plan for a new baby and before you know it life's turn to something so terrible in one split second. To then have to plan your baby's funeral is heart wrenching.............:(

To baby Timmothy, someone so little who has touched so many peoples lives. Everyone love's you. And You will always be in our hearts.

My brother and sister-in-law have twin boys from IVF, and wanted another child. After undergoing the physical and emotional turmoil of IVF again, they found they were pregnant..it was discovered the baby was a girl!!! Such a perfect ending..she was due July 12, 2000.

Tonya (my sil) had preterm labor, and was sent home after a hospital stay. Three days layer I took her for a routine visit. There was no heartbeat. She was devastated, and I just held her in disbelief. I tried to comfort her, what could I say except, "I love you, and I'm sorry..".

She says I was such a comfort. I am glad I helped. On Sunday, April 9,2000, my perfect, beautiful, and so still niece entered the world. She was 1 pound, 11 ounces, and 13 inches..so pretty. We held her,and kissed her little cheeks.

Her service was beautiful, and I know she is in Heaven, but we all miss her so..Little Kenlea Faith Kelly..stay gold ....

Haley was a child that was born with no brain, but survived 7 hours without any machines. Because of this we call her Our Miracle Niece. We never got to meet her while she was alive, but we know that she is in our hearts for a lifetime.

Babies die day after day, but you would never think that it would happen to you are someone in your family, but once it does the pain is there forever. So we hope and pray for each and everyone of you who has lost a child or a famliy member.

I suffered a miscarriage during my fifth month of pregnancy. I was so excited to finally be over the half-way point when I suddenly came down with an severe infection which lead to me losing my baby, Kaleb.

I was really depressed because this was my first pregnancy and I had gone on a baby shopping frenzy. Coming home after a week in the hospital, I saw a beautiful baby room with every toy and baby book imaginable. Except I didn't have a baby to occupy it anymore.

I felt as though noone understood what I was going through, so I tried to isolate myself from family and friends. Many people tried to comfort me by saying things like "You'll be able to fill that baby room soon". But to me I just wanted to scream, "Well I had a baby to fill it and I want that baby back." I knew they were trying to help, but I just wanted to be alone.

The first two months were so hard to get through. The hospital gave me a baby book with pictures and foot prints but it took me almost a month to even be able to open it. Then when I finallly did, I cried every time.

Finally, after three months of trying to isolate myself, my husband stepped in and said the one thing that I realized I wanted to hear all along, "Would you like to talk about what happened and how you're feeling?".

Now it's been a year and a half. I still have days where I think about what happened and I still get sad.

After sharing my feelings with family, I realized my mom went through the same unfortunate experience and just never liked to talk about it. Now she and my husband are my support team whenever I get sad and depressed.

It really helps to just talk about it. Share your feelings and cry on someone shoulder. There's nothing worse than holding things in and blaming yourself. "Do you want to talk about it"--Those were some magic words!