...Five years is often one of the "hard" anniversaries because for most of us we think of our little one being more independent at this age (the "real school" age).

Many of our parents find the 1st., 5th, 13th, and 16th difficult. Each being "growing older" years. Of course, different ages can always bring some special thought to mind, but these have been the most noted years.

At SHARE we encourage parents to be gentle with themselves as these years come around - parents are usually surprised and or relieved to learn this!...Marcia McGinnis

Letters and Poems...

Where do you begin to grieve? When does the grieving end?

My little boy would be five now. I have had 3 more boys since and am pregnant at the moment. I still remember what happened like it was yesterday.

I knew straight away my baby had died. I tried so hard to make him move, but it was to late he had gone. I remember the silence in the delivary room. I remember looking at everybodies faces as they looked at Christie. They were all thinking the same "please baby breathe".

I remember holding him. I remember how he felt. I remember how he smelled. I remember hearing the midwife crying as she took my son away. I remember everything like it was yesterday, but not with the anger and the hurt that I felt at first. Now I remember with a smile maybe a tear, but with happiness that I am glad for the time we spent togther.

To any newly bereaved parents, it does get easier. You still remember but not in the same way you do at first.

If you do go on to have more children, it is important to remember that they will not fill the void left by your lost baby, but it is comforting to know that your lost child lives on in them.

To everybody who has lost a baby my thoughts are with you today and always.

The birth was very long and painful.

When he was born I held him for a while, and he was perfect in every way.

He was my first son, 2 daughters before him. My husband was very strong, but I knew he was feeling the pain I was.

A day never goes by that I never see his tiny face. I think of him every day. As time goes by the pain of not being able to see him easers, but the memory will never be lost.

Our first baby. We loved him since we knew he was coming. I say "he", but I never knew the sex, I only felt that was "he", and in my thoughts he was Federico.

The pregnancy was ok. I was twenty eight years old, healthy and happy.

Suddenly: blood, pain,I don´t know. I entered the hospital, and only knew the baby had died. He had stayed with me only ten weeks, but, like you say: always in our hearts.

Nobody seemed to understand. Why are you so? The baby was so little, it was nothing.

I felt ungry, furious. People tried to help me, but sometimes they hurt.

I cried a lot.

One night, when I díden´t sleep, in my mind appeared the face of a baby who smiled. Only smiled, happy and full of life.

Then I felt peace. I understood. My baby was ok, life was ok. There was a meaning that I can´t still know.

Five months after this, I realised I was pregnant again.

This time everithing was ok. Oriana is a beatiful girl of four years old, and two years later Augusto was born.

I love them with all my heart, but I never forget my first child.

Sometimes I still cry for him ( reading this page ), but It is a sweet crying.

Thank you for this page.Unfortunately I had no idea five years ago.

Thank you for sharing.

Ben was born on the 24'th of March in my 42'nd week of a completely normal pregnancy. I was 2 weeks overdue and was expecting to have a big beautiful baby at any minute. After laboring at home for 24 hrs I went to the hospital.

After being admitted, I was told to go for a walk to get things moving. Upon returning to my room and being hooked up to the fetal heart monitor, it was obvious that something was wrong as bens heartbeat had dropped to a mere 78. I was rushed to the OR where they performed an emergency section.

Ben was born after 19 minutes of oxygen deprivation and was then revived. For the next 2 days our family loved and adored our son, their grandson and nephew.

With much agony my husband and I decided to remove life support and harvest Ben's chambers in hopes that some other family could forgo our pain.

In the weeks after Ben's death I became withdrawn and found it difficult to go on, but with love and support made it through.

Within a few months I became pregnant with twins. They are my joy.

I write this on my sons fifth birthday. Not a day passes that I don't think of my boy with his golden hair. He is in god's hands now and there is no safer place for you. Tomorrow we will release baloons for Ben so we can always celebrate his birthday.

I love you my darling boy and I pray my kisses make it to you in heaven ~ happy birthday, love, mommy

Mikaela

It has been five years now and your picture is still on my fridge. I see our neighbor who just turned five and wonder if you would be like him. You are still a part of our lives, still our first child, just as you always will be. Jenny knows you as her big sister and Mason will, too. Thank you for all that you gave us in your short life and for what your life and death continues to teach us still.

We love you.

Nearly 5 years after experiencing the loss of our full term still born son Amir I am filled with so many different emotions. I often wonder had things turned out differently where will I be at in life at the present moment.

So many dreams I had for that little boy; I often fantisize about how he would look now in his little uniform boarding a school bus. I humble myself with the thought of knowing that what all that is going on in the world now he is safe. But, in reality I know that those thoughts are just to really protect myself and try to believe that five years later everything is "o.k.", but it is not.

I am now entering into the 17th week of a complicated pregnancy, but I realize that my grief often over shadows my optimism. My Physician says that he is encouraged and urges that if I stick to my plan of care everything is going to turn out fine. I may be able to believe that if I did not lose Amir after 39 weeks of pregnancy.

I feel very paranoid. If only I had my son here I am sure that my optimism and drive will be so much stronger. The fact is that he is not.

I often feel the urge to visit his graveside to somehow get the approval to hope, but the fact is - I am still paralized by grief over him. So, I just pray. I pray to Amir's spirit to look after the mother who love him so much and more importantly the sibling that I am hoping to deliver safely in July. The sibling who will be as unfortunate as us his parents not to have him physically in our live. Spiritually he forever lives in us.

2004 THIS YEAR ON MARCH 23RD IS YOUR 5TH BIRTHDAY. SO SOON; SO PAINFULL, SO UNFAIR THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE WITH ME. I MISS YOU MORE AND MORE. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE HOW HARD IS TO FIGHT WITH THIS PAIN AND ANGER. BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ETERNALLY AND I DEDICATE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS TO YOU.

I HEARD THIS SONG BY SEAN COMBS (PUFFY) AND I MADE SOME WORD CHANGES SO I CAN DEDICATE IT TO YOU; BECAUSE IT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL.