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Third Anniversary..Entries 1997-2005

I gently held my breath
as 9:44 pm drifted by this Sept. 27,
as gently and briefly
as I held my son 3 years ago.
Christian Malone
Tulsa, OK

Third Year Anniversary

"Paul Angelo" by Laura (9/97)

"Christian" by Linda (his grandmother) (10/97)

"To My Dearest Jake" by Barry (1/98)

"In Another Time and Place" by Janet (7/98)

"Our Precious AAron" by Lynn (1/18/99)

Joshua William Lee by Erica (3/25/99)

"Rachel" by Kimmie (6/16/99)

"Ibrahim Mohammed Baldeh" by Shirley (6/16/99)

"...I still miss him..." by Cathy (9/22/99)

"Love to Nora..." by Lisa (11/8/99)

"Sandra Palmgren" by Missie (3/28/00)

"In Loving Memory of Angel Jean Humes ~ Feb.04,1997" by Barbara (11/6/00)

"In Loving Memory of Madison Montgomery Franklin ~ 12/7/97" by Jenifer (11/29/00)

"Nicholas" by Cheryl (11/14/00)

"Almost 3 years have gone by......" by Mandi (11/26/00)

"I Miss You Samantha" by Tammy (7/10/01)

"Dear Bernice," by Jennifer (8/23/01)

"DADDYS LITTLE ANGEL" by Jason (10/10/01)

"THE LITTLE GIRL WE PRAYED FOR" by Jackie (1017/01)

"Just the one???" by Callie (6/21/02)

"JAN SEBASTIAN" by Angie (8/22/02)

"Three Years Later...I stll come to this site at least 3 times a week..." by Sarah (2/15/03)

"Katlin's Story" by Kelly (1/2/04) GA

"Baby Trace ~ July 4,2001" by Miranda (10/24/04)

Hayden Chase Ingram - 3 Years Rebecca Ingram sent 9/06 and posted 4.07

Paul Angelo - Three Years Later

Dear Marcia,

I gently held my breath as 9:44 pm drifted by this Sept. 27, as gently and briefly as I held my son 3 years ago. I still remember, I still remember!

With a visit to Paul Angelo's grave to plant flowers, going to Church this evening and listening to a wonderful, God-filled concert our family remembered together.

I am so thankful for all that I now have and am beginning to find the right room for all the loss that I still feel.

Thank you for being here to help me have a special place of understanding and to remember.



I thought of you I awoke and knew it was your special day.
Mommy has been thinking alot about you over the past week.

I thought of you I gently opened your blanket and smelled
your wonderful smell and just remembered.

I thought of you today...with much love as I poured over your precious
pictures and wanted to touch you again.

I thought of you Nicole and Jaclyn tried to imagine what it
would be like to have a baby brother.

I thought of you today...when Daddy planted those flowers at your
grave and we all held hands and said the Our Father.

I thought of you Mass as I asked Jesus and Mary to take
care of you until I can.

I thought of you today...feeling pain and loss, joy and thankfulness,
needing not to be alone, wanting only to hold you.

I thought of you I continue to go on with you always in my
heart and forever a part of my soul.

I love you, my Little Angel

(See Special "Gifts" and "Healing Activies" for more of Laura's thoughts.)

Paul Angelo - 9/27/94
Bristol, CT USA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Christian would be 3 years old this Saturday.
I am his grandmother.

I miss him very much. I visit his grave often and leave flowers. His little cousin, born 2 months before him, is a constant reminder of "where he would be" physically and developmentally.

I have just started my PhD. I am going to write about assisting parents and grandparents with neonatal and early childhood loss. I would welcome information, support, etc. from parents and other family members who want to share their story and have suggestions for working with families. We will be conducting a large scale research effort for my dissertation as soon as we get it approved through the IRB of our university.

Happy 3rd birthday, Christian, and Grammy is going to try to help all the mommies, daddies and grandparents like the ones in your family who love and miss you.

Christian Malone
10/11/94 - Stillborn
Tulsa, OK

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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To My Dearest Jake,

I know you are watching over me, and daddy is trying his best, but the pain of missing you is just so overwhelming.

I love you

My son Jake died over three years ago from tratology of fallot with absent pulmonary valve. I would like to speak to other parents, as I still grieve for him everyday. Thank you.

Jake Tyler
Died soon after birth
Roslyn, NY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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We lost our first-born son shortly after his birth in 1995. He was born with HLHS. Needless to say we were simply devastated.

I struggled and have since found my way back from the depths of grief and sadness. July brings such bittersweet memories to mind because it marks his birthday and anniversary of his death.

I remember the events of those few days like they happened just yesterday. I hold them close to me because they are the one connection I have with my son. This poem is dedicated to Sean on his 3rd birthday. I know he's watching in heaven and smiling down on us.

In Another Time and Place

In another time and place there would be
No tears?
No grief?
No pain?
No emptiness?
No asking "why me"?
NO funeral?
A healthy heart?

In another time and place would that mean
Not having held you?
Not having seen your sweet face?
Not having gazed in your eyes?
Not having a "Sean" in our lives?
Not having a guardian angel to guide our steps?
Not having our moments together?
Not being your mother?

In another time and place there may have been no Sean
There would be no "me"

Lovingly written for Sean Wesley Kelly.

Happy 3rd Birthday my angel!
You have brought love and grace into my
life and I will be eternally thankful
for the moments
God lent you to me.


Visit Others' Supportive Influence, "Subsequent child knows about baby Sean..." by Janet (7/21/98), Healing Mementos and Coping Ideas, "Sean, 2nd Anniversary" (7/97), In Loving Memory of Sean Wesley Kelly ~ 7/26/95 (11/5/01)-After five years...

For a very special poem... ""I would like to take this opprotunity to say how much I miss you Sean..." By "Aunt" Lisa (5/98)

And Brenden Michael arrives

Sean Wesley Kelly
Died soon after birth/HLHS
Miami, Fl
E-mail 7/16/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Our Precious AAron

I feel weird writing this since my son has been dead almost 3 years. But I have learned something tonight in reading all the other heart touching stories. I have not yet begun to grieve for him.

I never gave myself the time to grieve for him. I can remember everything like it was yesterday.

On April 7,1996 I knew something was wrong when I got up to go to church. But being a first time pregnancy I thought it was labor beginning. Boy was I wrong.

It was just the beginning of the end of my son's life here on earth. It was Easter Day nothing was so suppose to go wrong.

I went on to church then had to go home because of the pain I was enduring. The family was eating lunch when I finally decided to go to the hospital.

I had already had a hard pregnancy up to this point but the doctor said everything would be alright. But everything wasn't. No one could find my baby's heartbeat.

The doctor came in did an ultrasound and got up and started walking out of the room saying something about the baby not having a heartbeat. I asked the nurse what he said though I already knew. I couldnt believe it. That wasnt happening to me. Why could the Lord take away my baby that had been wanted so badly.

Then I don't remember anything else until a few days later. Then I felt like I had to put a front up for everyone and tell them God just wanted him worse then I did. I couldn't even hold him by myself someone had to help me. I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. Every one said I had my own life to think about so that I could get well. I almost died, too.

Seven days later I layed my precious son to rest. People didn't understand I wanted to be left alone. And then when I needed someone to talk to they were all gone.

I even feel like my husband doesn't want to talk about him anymore. I have just realized that after 2 years I am still grieving.

I have another child now and I talk to her all the time about her older brother who is always keeping a watch on her.

I am just so upset that my family has forgotten him and no one wants to talk about him anymore. I will never forget about him or be too tired of talking about him..



Visit "Memorial Poems" to read a beautiful poem written in memory of Aaron.

Aaron Paul Bottoms
Rocky Mount, NC

Marcia's thoughts: Many parents put their grief "away" and bring it out years later. Parents do this for many different reasons.

Please read my new workshop "Stuck in Grief?" under "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal." It talks some about delayed grief. It is not unusual. It is good that you realized your pain and can take time now to remember Aaron and spend some time healing. The important thing is that it is "never too late to heal."

Also visit our pages under "Father's Grief Menu." There is a discussion about the difference between men and women's grief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Joshua William Lee

Today is the day 3 years ago that my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our fourth child and though misgivings were present because our youngest son was only 6 mos old we were happy.

Also today we are going to the doctor to see our now 6th child on ultrasound for the first time. Since Joshua was born we have been blessed with a healthy daughter, but I still feel the loss of him in our family.

Our 2 older sons still still worry every time I go to the doctor that this baby won't come home those thoughts are mine and my husband's also.

When I gave birth to Sandra our 18mo old daughter they were so scared I wouldn't come home with a new baby that my then 5 year old wouldn't talk to me on the phone before she was born. After they looked at me and said "Mommy do we get to keep this or does God get her too?"

Today we remember our beautiful son so perfect yet too soon.

Joshua William Lee
Toledo, OH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Rachel was the little girl I always wanted, I can still smell the Kool Aid flavored memories that surround her soul. I was only with her for a short time before my body gave me an unsolicited break and miscarried her somewhere into the Heavens.

I know she is peeking at us, Her Mommy and Daddy and two big brothers (5 and 3),and carries us in her heart the way we carry her in ours.

It is unfair that she is unable to share Christmas morning with us, that I will never hear her giggle or push her on the swings, that Josh and Caleb will never have a little sister to look out for, but she will be looking out for them!

Through the eyes of an angel she will be jumping in our laughter and swimming in our tears, and will be waiting for us to return home to be with her someday.

I know that Jesus sings her an ancient lullabye, and by now she must be coloring Him pictures that He puts on His fridge and talking His ear off, and asking Him to play dress up...Ill bet she's somewhat of a yellow/white haired little tomboy, playing baseball in pink dresses, and smiling at us in the sunsets.

I feel her everytime the tide crashes on the shore, when the breeze whispers her name, when the butterflies and fireflies try to catch me....She will NEVER be forgotton, she was a person who evolved into an angel. We love you Rachel,never forget that.

Love, US (*SMILE*)

Rachel Bolton
Aug 11, 96
Fair Haven, MI

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Ibrahim Mohammed Baldeh born 7/2/96

I really enjoyed visiting this site. My son's third birthday is July 2 and this was a good way to remember him. (Ibrahim Mohammed Baldeh born 7/2/96 at 21 weeks gestation.)

Columbus, OH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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...I still miss him...

The loss of my son affected my life profoundly. I have gone through the grieving process, and in some ways, I still am.

The only thing I've never gotten to do is share my story with others who have experienced the same thing. I live in a small town and support groups are not available.

I've known about SHARE for quite a while now. The information has been very helpful. I welcome anyone to email me so we can share our experiences and remember our children together.

A note to SHARE: thank you for letting me, and others, share our stories.

Anthony Taylor
Portales, NM

Marcia's thoughts: It takes time and "work" to I have written and shared under "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal". We grieve a little, heal a little, and "move on" a little, as time passes. Please do share with some of the other folks on the site. Sharing your experience and thoughts can further your healing process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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For my little angel Nora, always in my thoughts and never far from my side. Time has brought me to heal but the memories still remain

Entry #2: Part of a newsy letter from Lisa

Honestly your site really got me out of my black hole I was stuck in, I had alot of personal grief from other recent deaths and the Nora's death just brought things to an explosion, thus I have taken so long to recover. But good news is I can talk about the situation now to people without tearful eyes!

Unfortunately I didn't make it to her grave as Tom had the flu so we are all set to go on sunday - I have two red roses, one from each of us - as she shares her resting place with about 12 other angels it is not fair to other parents to overwhelm the grave with gifts or flowers.

Well Nora's anniversary was yesterday, and I was at peace with myself and had no sadness, late even I took out her photo and gave it a kiss and wished her a happy birthday, shed a few tears and sad goodnight and put her away.

I think alot of sadness can be caused by "the fear" of what way you may be feeling on the special occasions.

I am so at peace in work, I work in a basement and there is a grass verge just on the way into the door which blooms with "snowdrops" - not sure if you have them in the States but over here they are the symbol of the miscarriage assocation, and were on the booklet I was given in the hospital.

They are about to bloom and I love to see them - they are also called "angel tears"......

Well take care and keep busy!

See "Born Too Soon," "The Little Angels" - A Special Plot in Dublin, Ireland in "Our Memorial Service," Midterm Loss/Unknown cause, Mother's Day in Ireland, and "First Anniversary," "Love to Nora..." by Lisa (1/12/99)..Second anniversary thoughts, "How others might have helped..." by Lisa (1/98)

And Chloe arrives!

Nora Byrne-Slevin
Second trimester loss
Dublin, Ireland

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Sandra Palmgren

In 1997 I lost my Baby, she was stillborn. I have had many problems with this because I was 5 months pregnant and thought every thing was fine. I went in for a normal check up, and was told she had died. I just felt her moving the day before.

I went the entire night waiting for the surgery. I can not believe to this day that it happened. I love her with all of my heart. And one day I hope to give her the hug I could not give her.

I can not put this past me even with three beautiful Children with me. I wear a necklace everyday, which is about to fall apart. But the necklace has the charms on it of my Children 2 girls, Rebecca & Sydnie and 1 son Charlie. But in the middle is an angel for Sandra.

Please keep me in your prayers. I wish I could let go of this but I can't. My family I think are tired of hearing about it or just don't understand along with all of my friends.

You have to have been through this to understand. With Love and Prayers to everyone going through this. Missie

Sandra Palmgren
Thanks Marcia McGinnis, Webmaster

Marcia's thoughts: I love the name you gave your little girl and the description of your necklace sounds very dear. It does take time to heal. Often we are further down that path than we realize. Parents see this when they revisit our group after a while. While their pain is still there, the raw grief that the newly bereaved feel has slowly seeped away.

Sometimes, though, parents return to our group to grieve several years after a loss. Why? Because they went on to have other living children and couldn't take the time to grieve the one that died (as they really needed to). We suggest doing things in memory of your baby and for yourself, at this time that will help you heal. (It is never to late to grieve and heal).

Some parents fear that they will forget their special babies. Our memories, mementos, and love will always be with us. Those around us cannot appreciate what we feel and I have come to understand that that is fine. They are at a different place with different needs. What matters is our own feelings and our desire to remember.

What is important though, (at least I believe), is that our babies would want us to grieve them and then as we gently hold them in our hearts, become the survivors that we can be and support others as we can. Loving our living children and those who are with us is very important for us to remember to do. Our babies would want us to be happy (most children want their parents to be happy) and to fulfill those purposes that we have here on this earth.

Just some of my is hard to grieve and to heal, but we can do it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In Loving Memory of Angel Jean Humes ~ Feb.04,1997

Baby Girl Mommy Loves you and misses you with all my heart. You have two brothers Harlen who is now 6 yrs and Brandon who is now 19 months.

Noone will ever replace you or even think of taking your place. It has been a while now but you could never imagine the pain I still feel for you. I still cry all the time when I think noone knows.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago I got your ultrasound pictures out and studied them angel. You were so perfect. I could see your whole body, just like you were saying look at me mommy.

I will always dream of having another baby girl like you, but my life will never be the same til we can all be together in the end. I love you baby!!!! How I wish we could be a family now. It just isn't fair. I love you so much Angel. Thank you for watching over your brothers and us. Here is a special poem for you:


For just 10 weeks,
I had you to myself.
And 10 weeks seems too short a time
for you to have changed me so profoundly.

In just 10 weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!!

Just 10 weeks.
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply
vanished overnight.

Just 10 weeks.
It wasn't enough time
to convince others how
special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person
has died recently
and no one is mourning your passing.

Just a mere 10 weeks.
And no "normal" person
would cry all night over
a tiny 10 week fetus,
or get depressed and withdrawn
day after endless day.
no one would, so why am I?

You were just 10 weeks, my Little One.
You darted in and out of my life
too quickly.
But it seems you only needed 10 weeks
to make my life so much richer,
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

(A Poem on Miscarriage)

by Susan Erling

St.Paul, Minnesota

Angel I know this sounds strange but it seems so hard to end this when it feels like I am right here and so are you. I wish you were here.

What I meant to say is I know your spirits and memories will always remain but how I dream of holding you and being with you in the end. I LOVE YOU !!!! Even your brothers are learning to remember you too. Harley drew a picture at school the other day of you. He talks about you often WE LOVE YOU ANGEL. KISSES AND HUGGS TO YOU.

Angel Jean Humes
Flora, Illinois

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In Loving Memory of Madison Montgomery Franklin ~ 12/7/97

Dear Maddy,

December 7th oh what a day
With the angels you were called to play
I'd take you back in an instant you see
For with me is where I wish you could be

In my image you were born
From our minds the vision of you will never be torn
Your wings are golden this I know for sure
With a heart and soul that will forever be pure

This job God had for only you
What it is I wish I knew
I know His plan is the road to go
Through this tunnel of darkness I hope His light will show

Our angel girl is what you are
In our hearts you will never be far
You've changed our lives
But now I know, this too we will survive

Our love and our lives are all eternal
This I know and pray with everything maternal
The time will come when we meet again
But for now, our new lives we will begin.

I love you forever,

Jenifer Franklin
Madison Montgomery Franklin
Katy, Texas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Entry #1- February 21, 1999: I am looking for someone who would like to talk over our loses through enail exchange. I lost nicholas as a stillborn, just over one year ago. Please email me and be patient I am new to the computer. Thank You and God bless.

Entry #2:


Going through my folders and there you were. I've been looking for you for some time. Well it's been 3yrs now. It still hurts so much. I miss him everyday. I guess everyone heals at thier own pace some sooner some longer.

I don't think we ever get over it as poeple tell me I will. I think somehow you jusy try to go on.With our losses held deep in our hearts. It's still difficult for me to talk about it. Does it get eaiser? I need support and to talk to people who've been through it. Cheryl

Framingham, MA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Almost 3 years have gone by......

I wrote some time ago about my loss. My daughter.... How she passed on 28 Jan 98, and how I was pregnant again.

I did deliver a boy. Healthy, 8lb 12 oz. Boy! On Christmas Day 1998! Garrett Christopher. He has no idea, of the blessing he is. His blue eyes light my day. He is now saying words like " pretty" and "dog" ...

My oldest Alex still sometimes asks why his sister isn't here. Is she coming back, and why mommy can't have another. I try to explain, but I can't understand myself. I look at other little girls who would have been her age. I wonder, I think I always will.

The sad thing is, my marriage came to an end. My ex-husband couldn't deal with the fact that her memory will always be there. I could't always let go. At christmas, I buy her an ornament. For her birthday, I buy one pink rose. I can never forget. I was the one that held her and kissed her good-bye as she passed.

The irony is, my Garrett born on Christmas, the same year. Gods way of letting me know that I have a blessing, and need to be thankful for every day.

It still hurts. I have a friend who his son died a horrible death. Earlier that month, his wife had just had a baby. He asked me " How can God give him a daughter, and take his only son?" I could only say, that god didn't take his son, but someday he would have a chance to ask him.

My children are a blessing, they are my days and nights. I am thankful for every moment. I still have tears for her. I will always wonder, what she could have done. I can't second guess, I know that she is with god, and someday I will see her again. Until then, I have Alexander and Garrett. I have faith that God allows things to happen for a reason.

Mikeala Isabelle
28 Jan 98
Died soon after birth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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"I Miss You Samantha"

It has been 3 yrs since Samantha has left me. And this year on the day that they told me she was dead my grandpa pasted away.

I have had another baby since Samantha, and I almost lost her too. She was almost 2 months premature. They think the reason Samantha died was because of my blood not getting to her through the cord because that's the way I almost lost Brittney.

On Samantha's birthday I called Brittney her name. I find myself doing that alot on holidays too. And it hurts I want someone that I can talk to and help me.

I lost Samantha when I was 23. It was my first funeral, and I never dreamed it would be my child.

Some days I just want to be with her and hold her and tell her that I love her. When Brittney said mama I cried. I wanted to hear Samantha say it. I miss her so much I want to see her again so bad.

Why does it hurt so much for I just don't understand? Every time I look at Brittney I think about her and wonder if she looks like Samantha. I want her back so bad, but I know that I can't have her back.

If there is anyone in the Cartersville or close around that can help please email me or even on the phone i will give my phone number. I just need someone that i can talk to and help me it feels like i just lost her yesterday and i know i should be farther along than this.

Samantha Nicole Lee

Marcia's comments: Often, "giving yourself permission to grieve" is the first step to healing. Sometimes it takes several years for this to happen.

If you will look on the site under Sharing Stories, "Making Your Child's Presence Meaningful" you will see a diary entitled "Debbie's Diary." This is Debbie's story of healing after 4 years and a subsequent child. I have had women come to my meeting who need to grieve as many as 15 years after there loss. Time is only important in that we begin and continue to heal. It takes a conscious decision to do this. The good news is that once we decide to do this, we can.

You may want to light a virtual candle in memory of your baby or include a verse or thought in our Memorial Garden. Doing special things for our baby often helps to ease our pain. Allowing yourself to do for Samantha will open the door to fully embracing her sister, Brittney.

You have been through some fearful places - with Brittaney, too. Part of grief is fear and you can learn how to cope to release some of the fear and guilt that usually goes with all you have been through. All of which is a normal reaction to what you have experienced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Dear Bernice,

From the moment I knew I was pregnant with you, I loved you like I have never loved anyone before. You were the most important thing to me in my whole life! Here is is almost 3 years later, and I still think of you often. Especially now, because I am carrying in my tummy your little brother or sister.

I have a feeling that you personally chose him or her as your brother or sister and sent him to mommy!

I never saw you on ultrasound, but I knew you were there, and you were real. When you came out of my body, you know how much I grieved for you, and still do.

I just met your little brother or sister today on the ultrasound, and it made me really think of you. I have't been here to the "cemetary" in a while to visit you and I knew it was time to pay you a visit.

Mommy misses you very much, and I'm sorry that you could not be a part of my life physically, but no matter how many children I go on to have, I will always remember that you were my very first, and even if it's 30 years from now, I will stop one day and look around and wonder how old you would be, what you would be like?

This is August, the month you would have been born in. You would be turning 2 years old this month. It's so hard to believe sometimes!

Well, know that I love you and I am thinking of you always!

Your Loving Mommy,


Due March 25th 2002 with your little brother or sister.

Grieving you since 11/25/1998.

Mommy to Bernice, 11/16/1998

Greensboro, NC

E-mail Jennifer

Jennifer's Diary about Bernice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Second trimester loss

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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We lost Samantha when we were 9 months. It was almost as if the world around me was coming down, and nothing seemed to matter. Samantha had some how gotten her cord wrapped arounded her neck six times.

I was all alone when they told me. I told them to check again becouse I was sure that they had made a mistake. But there was no heart beat on March 3rd of '98.

I had to run. I had to get out of there. How could they tell me my baby boy was gone. God, how could you do this? That's all I could say. (Why me). Why my baby? If you wanted someone why not just take me, I would gladly go in his place. But I heard nothing. But felt the worst pain I have ever felt.

How do I tell Dave? How do I tell him that our child has died? I went home not really wanting to face the fact that my child was really gone. I thought to myself that if I don't let them have him then on the 7th which was our due date, we would have a happy and healthy baby.

Crying all the way home tring to think how this could happen, and how do we tell our little boy that the baby brother we told him would be here in a few days would never come!!! How do you tell a child that?

That night there was no sleep at all. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to say goodbye to the baby and to all of my dreams for the baby!!

But the next day we went back and they put me in labor. 39 hours later Samantha Joie Gallerani was born. DO LET ME SAY THAT FOR FIVE MONTHS WE THOUGHT THIS BABY WAS A BOY but when she was born they all looked at each other and then back at me and said Jackie it a little girl. It's the little girl that you have always wanted and prayed to god for at night! It the little girl you have always wanted every time you went to the park with your little boy. The little girl that you have had a name for since you were 9 years old.

So there I laid holding the lifeless little girl who looked just like her father with all her black her and fair skin. She had her brothers nose and lips and my poor feet.

We went home that next day and had a service for Sam on the 9th with our family and friends.

I have found that life does go on, but the pain in your heart will be there forever. We now have another little girl Katie(5/2/99) who also looks just like her father & sister.

I try to tell myself that the loss of Samantha made me a stronger person and a better mother. But I know that Samantha in her own way gives me a helping hand and takes me were I should be.

I love you Samantha and always will love you. I'll see you some day .

Your mom



Samantha Joie Gallerani, March 4, 1999 by Jackie (2/28/05)

Samanth Joie Gallerani


Marcia's comments: Your story touched my heart. You very clearly wrote what so many moms feel as they move through the tragic time of loss. You want to run, hide - how do you tell your husband, your child...your self that the baby you have waited for has died.

The pain is so intense that many choose to never face it. Anger and depression surface instead. Knowing how special these babies are is very important. I believe, as you shared, our little ones hold our hand and can guide us if we let them.

I often share that I am who I am today because of all of my children: two living and the three in heaven. Bless you for sharing your story. I know you will help others know that survival is possible and healing comes gradually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Just the one???

June is one of the worst months of the year. I thought that November and December were bad, but June is just as bad, if not worse. I find that with each passing year, it is getting harder and harder for us to keep Elijah's memory alive.

Today is his birthday, June 21. He would have been 3 years old today. It is hard for me to begin to conceive what he would be doing right now, what he would look like. I miss him.

I miss him so much that it still hurts - like the day that we found out that he was gone. And that night when I cried myself to sleep in my husbands arms, in that small hospital bed holding the three of us. I still miss him so much!!

But since Eli's loss we have had our daughter and she is simple AMAZING!! We are all completely infatuated with her!!! She will be 2 in August.

Last year on her birthday, we moved into a new house, a new town and I started school fulll time--to become an OB nurse. So on this NEW road we have met alot of new people.

I have always been one to speak up right away when someone asks about how many children we have. "Our baby boy died when i was 8 months pregnant" Usually the response following is "Oh I am so sorry" and to my self, I just think, yeah me too. That you didn't get to see his beautiflul face, his bit strong hands and his attached earlobes, like his daddy. I am sorry that I never got to here him cry, or call me mommy or run outside" but I let the other person know how lucky we are and that she is very precious, loved and a pure miracle.

But with all of our new changes this year, most people have come to assume that she is our only child or commonly we hear " Just the one?" It seems now we have been assumed to just having her, so we can't just say "This is Isabelle and her brother Elijah is in heaven"

But today I want to do just that. I want to run around telling everyone it is his birthday, and that we love him, and miss him very much!! So today we celebrate him, and mourn his loss at the same time!!! We love you very much Elijah.

Elijah Howard Valet
Iowa City Iowa
June 21, 02

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Entry #1, May 20, 02

I was 6 months when you were born. Your were 1 pound 13oz and so little.

I always sang to you, talked to you, pray for you, and you knew it was me, your mommy. I also used to put my finger on your hand and you squeezed like saying I know it is you.

I only had one chance to change you diaper, but I never had the chance to hold you and take you out of that little bed with so many tubes and iv's. Only when you left your body to go to heaven did I have the chance to hold you in my arms for the first and last time. I did't want it to end.

I miss you so much. It's been 3 years since you left to heaven, and it feels like it was today. I wanted you so much, and I was hoping that you were going to stay. But you chose to be our angel in heaven and take care of us.

Angel, Jay, Papi and Mami love you very much. I hope to see you very soon. I can't wait to see you.

Bye my little special angel,

Entry #2, August 23, 02

Our precious Baby Angel in heaven watching over us. It has been 3 years and still hurts so much. Soon we will be together forever. I can't wait to see you. I love you with all my heart,and I miss you more than anything.



Marcia's comments: Have you shared any emails with anyone on the site? I know you are missing Jan very much and hope that you have someone either online, in a local group, or a good friend to talk with. As you can see in this section about the Third Anniversary we do miss our babies after several years. It is good to understand that we will never forget these special babies, but we do what we know they would want us to do - survive their loss and do something meaningful with their special presence in our lives. Just living a good life - in their memory - is very important. Your love for Jan can be a strong light in your life.

I am thinking about you.

"My Baby Jan Sebastian" by Angie (12/02)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Three Years Later...I stll come to this site at least 3 times a week...

I thought I would drop you a quick line to let you know I still come into the site at least 3 times a week. The one thing I keep forgetting is my email address has changed so if anyone has emailed me I apologise for not replying to you. Please dont think I was being rude or ignorant to you.

Below is my new address and my story is about my son, Joe Richard Mark Bauckham who died of hypoplastic lungs and oligohydramnious. Its been just over 3 years now and life is getting better but the hole my baby left when he left me is stil there and still as big.

Sorry if I put this into the wrong category marcia. If I have then please let me know, and I shall move it.

"Our son Joe" by Sarah (1/6/02)

Joe Richard Mark Bauckham
Died soon after birth


Marcia's thoughts:Thank you for updating your email address. I have changed it in your original story.

I am touched that you come to the site as often as you do. I hope that you continue to find some comfort or support as you visit with us. Thank you for sharing this fact. So many people think that after six months the pain is gone and we "move-on." Well, we begin to heal, adjust, cope and know that our babies would want us to grieve and heal, but not forget them. We don't and won't forget. What we do in their memory is what is important (in my mind). Healing is very important and they would want that for us.

We are blessed to have these special little ones in our presence. We would not have chosen to have lost them, but given that we have, we make them special by working to make our own lives work in their honor. This seems, to me, to be very important. We can choose to gradually make this happen.

Take care and write as you can. Thank you for your outreach to others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katlin's Story

We found out our sweet Katlin had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome when I was five months pregnant with her, we were given the options of aboration, 3 surgries within 2-3 years, hospice or a heart transplant. We opted for the surgery so we were scheduled a c-section.

She was born 7. 5 lbs and was 21 inches long, she was so perfect and didn't need oxygen like they thought. They even did the surgery early because she was so strong. She made it through the surgery like a champ but that nite she got a blood clot in her heart and we lost her. Our sweet little lamb.

Katlin Marie
Other/Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome
Augusta, GA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Baby Trace ~ July 4,2001

To my little angel. Although we were together for only 8 week's I cherished that time and loved you more than ever. I often wonder what you would like? This February 2,2005 you would be three. I will miss all the little but special thing's we would have done. Learning to count, say your ABC's; and just to hear you say I love you. Although God has blessed me with your brother's and sister (and one on the way 04-06-05), I will alway's love and cherish you. You will never be forgotten. Until that day when we can embrace oneanother... sleep tight and God Bless. I love you dearly. Love, Your Mommy ~ Miranda

Baby Trace
St.Paris, OH
October 23, 2004

You may want to light a virtual candle in memory of your baby or include a verse or thought in our Memorial Garden. Doing special things for our baby is always special just as your message shares...our babies are always remembered. Thank you for sharing that important message with our parents.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Hayden Chase Ingram - 3 Years Later...

Marcia: It has been several years now since I last emailed you. I know that you have most likely heard this at least one hundred thousand times, but the positive approach I have chosen to use in my ongoing recovery process after losing my son, Hayden Chase Ingram, is almost a direct result of Share Atlanta.

I have learned so many things since I first wrote to you six weeks after Chase died, and that has now been 3 years and 3 ˝ months ago.

  • I know that “recovery” after losing a child is only a word ­ this never really happens ­ we just continue to cycle through the process. During this process there will be many “hit the wall” moments, but over time, the circle gets wider and wider between “hits” (emotional >breakdowns).

  • As time goes on, it actually does get easier to deal with emotions; however, the pain of loss remains the same and can not be described and only known to those who live through it.

  • I know that we have been forced to join a club that we did not know existed before our loss and we absolutely never want to see new members.

  • It helps so much to reach out and help others like us.

  • I no longer take anything for granted.

  • Friends and relatives honestly do not know what to say or do in regard to the death of a child; the best way to handle this is to understand that and forgive them.

    The story I wrote to you is titled “Baby Chase” and is listed under your header below: "Sharing" Our Stories/Thoughts - Along this Path - Remembering Our Babies - Newborn Loss - Known Causes Entries 2002 - 2005

    I’d like to request that at the end of the story, please replace “Chase” with Rebecca ­ I’m the one who wrote the story for Chase ­ it looks like he wrote the story. Would that be possible?

    "Baby Chase" by Rebecca (6/19/03) - Died soon after birth 25 weeks/hydrops by Rebecca Ingram

    I was also wondering if you could add the poem my husband wrote to the end of the story somehow ­ it would really mean a lot to us both:

    Beloved Son
    Along comes a beauty never to replace
    Our only son we know as Chase
    We love them both for all time
    But on days it seems like such a crime
    Words are few that describe such pain
    As at times we sit to cry and wane
    Tears swell up and blur the light
    Some days filling with such spite
    The world moves at fast pace
    Scaring us that we’ll forget Chase
    Soon we’ll give hugs of love
    As we know he’s with God above.
    Mark Ingram, 12/05
    Chase’s Daddy

    Finally, I’d like to let you know that our oldest daughter, Michaela, and Chase now have a younger sister, McKenna Grace, who will turn two years old tomorrow. I got pregnant with her seven months after we lost Chase ­ she was born September 20, 2004. My pregnancy with her was uneventful, and surprisingly, I was really calm during the entire time. I was induced at 38 weeks ­ no preemie! My doctor was extremely supportive and kept a close watch on me because of everything that had happened ­ mostly, Ibelieve, for my mental health more than anything else.

    The meaning of "McKenna” is child or kin; “Grace” means by the Grace of God ­ it also rhymes with Chase.

    We are raising both girls to know about Chase. Michaela (who now is 6 ˝) asks questions or talks about Chase at least once a week. This will be more difficult for McKenna to understand because she didn’t experience it like we did and she may have some feelings of guilt or something, but we’ll deal with that, too. She was so wanted and is so loved.

    Thank you again, Marcia, for being there, for doing this work. My words do not do justice to the gratitude in my heart.

    >Gratefully, Rebecca Ingram-

    Mommy to:

    Michaela Anne - 10/25/99

    Hayden Chase - 05/05/03 special angel

    McKenna Grace - 09/20/04

    Hayden Chase Ingram
    Died soon after birth 25 weeks/hydrops
    Tulsa, Oklahoma
    Sent September 9, 2006 - posted April 2007...I will include this in our newsletter for the summer!

    Marcia's thoughts: Dear Becky, Your note touched me greatly. Most of all, I am touched that you shared all of this with me. To visit me via email and share with me your healing experience has meant a great deal to me. My daily prayer is for healing to take place for each and every parent. I can not know if this happens, but I do know that by offering options and thoughts for healing, it is more likely to happen. Our SA group continues to open the door to options and to support anyone who wishes to walk the path of "what will be" along the journey of grief.

    When I first read your note, I was overwhelmed by your words: positive approach ...on my ongoing recovery almost a direct result of SHARE Atlanta. All of these words say so much to me. *Positive*, *ongoing*, *SA*...each is what I believe so firmly in.

    Healing takes time and it is hard work to process our grief in to a positive framework. Oh, but so dearly important for our lifelong journey. I believe society rushes us...pushes us to heal in that first moment..and it is a journey, a process. Our hope here at SA is that the meaning we give to our dear child's presence brings us to a positive resolution with lots of love wrapped around it. Your words are our hope for each mom, dad and family member.

    My heart smiled at your words...I understand the pain you have moved through to come to this place because I moved through this pain as well. Yes, each person's pain is unique, but we who have been there, do understand.

    I was interested very much in the bullet points you chose to highlight. So true, so true. I am hoping that you will give me permission to use these in our next newsletter...along with your note. They are powerful for other parents to know that they can survive and get there, but it will take time.

    Your husband's loving poem is a powerful statement of love and hope. I so appreciate your sharing it with us. It is a treasure when our husbands means so much to hear all from their perspective.

    I love, too, hearing about McKenna Grace joining your family. These little ones experience our special babies in a special way. We talk about this in our group a great deal. For many, it is as though they do know them from within. Our sons know our three in heaven and have always accepted them for being our special babies. Joel did hold his brother, but Aaron was born fifth in our family. All of our children are blessings and you know that I feel as though each has helped to make me who I am today. Aaron had us take a picture of him with Seth's candle and mementos as well as Catherine and Elizabeth's ...along with us so he has a picture of us "all" together. It is in his book.

    Life is full of storms and rainbows, we learn to work through the storms to accept with open arms the rainbows in our life. You have been doing this and your words share that. I thank you so much for sharing them with me.

    I am about to be away for a week, but when I return, I will change the name to Rebecca, add this message and your husband's poem. I will let you know when I do.

    Thank you again for your meaningful story and for sharing it with means so much.

    Becky's response: 9/22/2006:

    Marcia:Please feel free to use anything I have written to you - whatever you believe will help others is my wish.

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to me - I knew you would, as busy as you are. I live in Tulsa, OK, so we'll probably never get the chance to meet. I also don't believe I get the SHARE Atlanta newsletter - I'd love to receive it if possible.

    Thank you again for your time. Becky Ingram

    Marcia's response: I will be using your words in our next newsletter...I think they will help others.

    OK...we might meet some day. Mary Beth, one of the first moms to ever email me on the website came to a Doula convention in Atlanta two weekends ago and all her family and I went out to the Angel Garden! It was so much fun! She is from Maryland. She helped us have a SA display table at the convention as well. It was really nice to meet and to "see" each other. Mary Beth bought a memorial brick to include in the garden when she realized she would be here so it was even more special.

    You could send a picture of your family and I will see if I can add it to the newsletter. If you had a memento from Chase in the picture that would be very dear...(If you want to do this, of course...)

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