We have included our story; now we would like to include a special letter to our baby.

Mommy just wanted to write you a letter to tell you how special you are to your family. Daddy and I began planning you years before you were born.

Daddy wanted you to be a son very much. Of course, we thought it would be wonderful if you were a little girl, too. Your big sister, Elizabeth, wanted a baby sister so very much. In the end, it really didn’t matter to Mommy as long as you were a beautiful, healthy, happy baby.

If you were a little boy, you would have been named after your Daddy, Bradley. If you had been a little girl, Mommy had decided that you’re name would be Lindsey. Instead, we chose another special name for you, Christian Lee.

It is also somewhat of a family name. Daddy chose the name Chris first; you have an Aunt Christy, your dad's older sister. Then, we decided to make it Christian. Also, our Aunt Janet and cousin Colton share the middle name Lee, and their birthdays are also in November, the month you were lost. Therefore, even though, we will never know if you are a boy or girl, you still had a carefully chosen name that seemed perfect for you.

Your big sister, Elizabeth, wanted you so very much. She asked us to have her a baby. She is a very loving little girl, full of life, humor, and personality. She is, also, a born leader, and together, she would have no doubt led you both into a lot of mischief. She will make a wonderful big sister.

Elizabeth and I planted a garden the summer before you were conceived. When I found out I was expecting you, I explained to her that you were like a little plant growing inside Mommy’s belly, just like the flowers were grew in our garden, and when you grew big enough, the doctor would take you out. She was very excited, and told everyone that a baby was growing in her mommy’s belly.

She would often run up to me and grab me around the stomach and squeeze really hard. She said she was giving her baby a big hug. Sometimes, she would even pull my shirt up and kiss you through my belly. One time, she really surprised me by pouring a glass of water on my stomach. When I asked her what she was doing, she explained that she was giving her baby a drink.

As soon as we found out about you, Elizabeth said she wanted to go shopping for you, and even though she’s only two years old, she has pretty good taste! She picked out precious little sleepers, t-shirts, bibs, and special toy, a Mickey Mouse that played music. She was very specific about it, too. She picked up many packages until she found the right color and design to make her happy. She also put away some of her used clothes and toys away to save for you.

In fact, one day, she even offered to save half of a peanut butter sandwich for you! You would have loved her very much. You two would have been so close, and even though, you didn’t make it, I know she already loved you very much, as much as any big sister could ever love a baby!

When we found out we were losing you, Elizabeth and I said a special prayer to Jesus every night that he would take care of you, and not take you away from us.

I don’t understand why God chose to take you away physically, but I do know that he can never take you away from our hearts. Wherever you are, I know you are being well taken care of, and you must know that Mommy, Daddy, and Elizabeth love you very much. We will never forget you, our little angel.

It was such a suprise to find out that in nine months I was going to have a child. I cried out of fear and happiness. I still cherish those early months when I really had you all to myself--no one could tell I was pregnant yet.

But the hardest part about losing you was that we were on vacation at the time. So far away from our home in Wisconsin. I had to get on a plane less than 24 hours later and leave you behind.

I'll never be able to forget that feeling. I let you down in my heart. I couldn't keep you safe. I had nightmares about a little boy calling for his mommy because he was scared to be alone. I still have those dreams sometimes.

We named you Noah because it means peace. You are truly at peace. God holds your hand every day until Mommy and Daddy can get there to take his place.

Eleven months later we have a little sister for you. Her name is Halie. Someday she'll know all about the big brother angel she has watching over her.

Today I saw some balloons float away into the sky and I imagined you catching them up in Heaven. We love you so much, Angel, and we will see you again some day.

All I have is a seven inch scar, where I carried you. I held you there for 278 days. Closer to me than any other living person can ever be.

Yet I don't have you. I don't have any memory of your first hours in this world. I wanted the memory of your first seconds, yet I have none. I wanted to see the look on your Daddy's face the first moment he saw you. I know he was proud and full of love, but the moment was sad. And I wasn't there because I was asleep.

All I have is a few scraps of cloth, that you were dressed and wrapped up in. They hold your smell, that sweet innocent smell that only a baby wears. I take them out and hold them close to remember you. Yet I don't have you.

My heart and my arms feel so empty they ache. I held you in my arms but once, for all too short a time. But I'll hold you in my heart for a lifetime. I only gave you one small kiss, one of the millions I wish I could give. I never got to spend a night alone with you, rocking you as you slept. Do you know how it feels to want me as much as I want you? I know it's selfish, but I hope you do.

All I have are pictures of your beautiful, peaceful face. I want so much to hear you cry. One cry, one sign that you need me, but instead I'm the one to cry. I cry because I need you and you don't need me.

I thought at first that it was for the best that you were taken at birth. But now I wish I'd have had one year, one month, one day, even an hour or minute with you. The hurt could not be any greater to have had time to love you then not to know you at all.

All I have is my love. I only hope that with each tear that falls that the angel who cares for you now gives you one kiss. Because in every tear I cry is one kiss that I wish to give to you.

All I have is hope that you'll be happy there, until we meet some day. In Heaven, where we can be together for all eternity.

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But in heaven you are today, looking down upon us. We see you in every star and in every moon, in every raindrop and every ray of sunlight. You come to us in our dreams and we see that you are happy.

Our beautiful baby boy, we never heard your cry or saw your smile, or even knew the color of your eyes. We feel you with us and know that you are your baby sister's guardian angel.

After talking we agreed to mention that he would have been dedicated and to spend a few minutes remembering him and our family.

They asked me to search for a poem that could be included in the service. After looking for a while I could not find anything that fit exactly for a baby dedication so I wrote one. It made me feel good to write my thoughts out and get them on paper.

I've shown it to a few close friends as well as to my pastor and his wife. We are going to use it in the service but they have urged me to share it with others.

So I am sending it to you so that you can read it and decide if it would be helpful to others. I would be honored if you would include it on the website or in your newsletter.

I am very eager to use my loss to try to help others so that good can come from the pain. I've also learned that the more I help others the better I heal.

Thanks again for all you do and may God bless you as you continue to help others. Sincerely, Wendy

PS - Since no one in our church knows that I'm pregnant again yet - we're also going to use this service to share with everyone that we are expecting again! This should be a bittersweet Mother's day but definitely one that I'll remember always.

I know you know how I love you and I know you love me, too. The last day I saw you you showed me how you loved me by waving at me through that little screen and saying in no uncertain terms 'Mommy, I have to leave you now, but I will forever be with you, don't worry we both will be okay. I love you.'

It was less than 4 weeks ago that you were taken from my loving womb, but you will never be taken from my heart.

Though you were only with me for a short 10 1/2 weeks, from you I learned more than I have learned in my 21 years. You taught me the true meaning of love and life and that nothing material really matters at all. You also showed me how short life is and how quickly it can be taken away, since the day I lost you I have become a better person, appreciating what life truly has to offer not in forms of materialistic objects, but in forms of things that can not be held or touched.

In the laugh and smile and face of every baby I see, I realize that your laugh and smile and face were too special for this world. Some day I will be rewarded and will be with you forever to hear you laugh and see you smile and look into your face and hold you not for just a while, but forever, and that is how long I will hold you in my heart.

I will always remember how I loved feeling you move and reading to you, and will always be there with you just as you are with me. Never will I forget you and the joy you brought to my life and always will.

I will tell your future brothers and sisters about you, so they, too, can love you like Mommy, Grammy, Grampy, and your endless slew of aunts, uncles and cousins do.

Just always remember Mommy loves you more than anything she ever possibly could, my sweet Angel baby, I love you.

July 7th was a dreadful day for Mommy, Daddy, and Trent. We all love you, but remember this, see you may be gone but your not forgotten. I have you carved in the palm of my hand. No one will ever know the loss I feel.

But just remember you are safe and in a very beautful place. You're my guardian angel, so please don't be scared, your loved, never forget. We will all be there with you some day. Until then again I love you always.

I have so many things I want to say and so many things I wanted to do with you. It's Mommy and Daddy who hurts right now because we miss you so very much. I know you're in the most perfect place but I just wanted you to be here with us. It's so hard to understand but god knows what he's doing and one day, I will too.

Baby I we all love you so very much. Mommy is going to miss so many things like brushing you're hair, playing games, hearing you laugh, cry and get mad. I wonder what you're voice sounds like,what color you're eyes are,you're favorite color, favorite outfit or how you're kisses feel on mommy's lips.

Mommy and Daddy will see you soon and we will never be apart again. Until then you and all these thoughts are right here in our hearts.

You were as good as it gets!

I have never felt love before like I did when I first laid eyes on you. You were pulled out of mummy's tummy kicking and screaming and as I heard the doctor say "you have a perfect baby boy", I said a quiet thank you to God that you were safe.

I knew it had been a difficult journey for me as I had been so sick for so long, but the thought of you kept me going.

Little did I know what was in store for you, my darling boy. In the next few hours, your world was turned upside down. Instead of being surrounded by the sound of laughter and joy, the perfume of flowers and the softness and warmth of my breast you heard the sound of helicopter blades, voices other than my own, and machines that kept you alive.

For 5 long days I sat by your side petrified that you would leave us, but your dad helped me hang on through the long days and nights, waiting for you to "turn the corner".

He had such confidence that you would be alright, that I was too scared to say what I was thinking- I felt you were not going to be with us for long, despite what I was being told by everyone.

When my worst fears were finally confirmed with the doctors words after your heart scan, "it's as bad as it gets", you helped me find a strength I didn't know I was capable of.

My mother's protective instinct kicked in and I knew I had to be there for you in every way- there was no time to think of myself, just decisions that had to be made to make your short life as beautiful as it could be- this was a time to shower you with love that would last a lifetime-the last 24 hours of your life were the most cherished of my life.

I would have given my life for you in an instant but there was nothing to be done but tell you how much I loved you and to say goodbye.

My love for you surpassed any emotion I had ever felt- when you were born you gave me the chance to experience the highest high imaginable. When you were placed in my arms my heart melted - I had finally come home-I physically ache every minute for that feeling again.

Amidst the anguish and desperation came peace every time I held you or touched you- you were a miracle who was here for such a short time but changed me forever. You made me a mother and for that I say thank you.

I now know what it's like to experience the most pure love. In my mind I see your little face and when that frown would appear all I had to do was croon softly to you and stroke your beautiful forehead and you would relax and appear content- what a feeling! The rest of the world didn't exist- it was just you and me and I will remember those moments for the both of us.

You had perfect little fingers that would grasp mine and hang on until you fell asleep. You had a beautiful sleep in my arms before you died, my boy. I sat as still as I could be and watched you sleep- you were the most precious thing I had ever laid eyes on and it was hard to believe you came from me.

While you were sleeping I dreamt that you and I would do this many times in our lives, but now I am left only with the memory that I must keep fresh in my mind so I can retrieve it and play it over and over again.

For 6 long days I mentally willed you to give me the chance to look into your eyes. I had given up hope and thought it was another blank I would have to fill in after you left, but as you took your last breath you opened your eyes for the first and last time and looked straight into my very soul.

This pain is as deep as it gets -it hurts because I was given a taste of you and then you had to leave.

I felt helpless- a mother is supposed to be able to fix their child when they are hurt- I just couldn't pick you up and kiss it better. As your mother, I'm supposed to be sitting quietly by your crib, watching you sleep and smelling your sweet baby breath - but I'm not I'm supposed to be watching your little face light up when I walk in the room- but I'm not I'm supposed to be preparing for your first birthday, looking back at all the milestones you have reached in your first year of life- but I'm not Instead, I am desperately trying to make some sort of sense out of something that makes no sense- I feel like I have been ravaged by an emotional cyclone.

Some parts of me are gone forever, some are badly damaged and slowly being repaired and some are different and better than before- but through it all the memories of you continue to touch my soul and somehow keep me going.

You bonded your parents in a way that I thought impossible and your legacy is remembered with each loving touch and each knowing look between your father and I.

You came from love- a gift from God made from flesh and bone, but you have given me the greatest gift of all- motherhood, and you will be with me for all eternity, because, my little man, you were as good as it gets.