Hi. It's nice that you have a forum for sharing and learning. Thank you. I have had 5 miscarriages. I turn 45 Sept, 98. I have a little boy who just turned 5. I had 2 miscarriages before him and 3 since. Last Nov, 1997, being my last one. I found out last year I had the anti-body that makes your blood clot when you're pregnant, and then miscarry. My #4 & 5 miscarriages were May & Nov, '97 & I took baby aspirin and heparin shots in my thighs to keep my blood thin (a 99% cure). I still lost them (early). I had a chromosome study on the May, 97 miscarriage & it was a normal girl. The Nov, 97 pregnancy we even saw a heart beat and still it died. The doctor says he can only assume it's a smaller chromosome defect that doesn't show up in the chromosome study, meaning my eggs are old. I am now faced with accepting my son may be an only child and I may never have another baby -- the loss of my lifetime dream of 2 kids. Any success stories of women 45 and over? Thanks, Nancy

Marcia's Thoughts: Your concerns seem valid to me. It takes time to move through all the mixed feelings and reactions that happen after a miscarriage. Often the 5th to 7th month are most difficult - as you begin to think about getting pregnant again you become painfully aware of all that you have been through. If you had physical problems for a while afterwards, that just adds some more time to grieve on ...which means waiting a little longer. Grief does end...and with the right support most everyone can move on to their next choice. You do have to think through what this means to you...

Go and talk to your doctor and tell him how you feel. Ask what he might do during your next pregnancy to ease your tension some(test progestrogen levels, HCL levels, etc/look at our Medical page under Miscarriages and read things that can be done to help you..). Find a doctor that will support you with your concerns. They are out there. Often after one miscarriage, doctors will not do very much to test, etc., but, perhaps you can find a supportive doctor. If you need to - change doctors! Doctors are human and some meet different needs at different times. One thing my losses have taught me is to seek out the support I need to do what I feel is right for me and my family. No one is perfect and knows everything! You have had a lot happen to you(good and sad) in a short time...a few more months may be just what you need to regain your confidence. Ask you husband to be patient and help him try to understand you concerns. They do sound normal...

You may want to consider doing something in memory of the child you lost. You are grieving this baby and that is normal, also. Look at our Self-Help pages and see if you might think of something special to do for yourself and you baby. You may want to put a dedication to your child on our Memorial Garden page. I know this seems strange for some folks after a miscarriage, but this was a child you were excited about and looking forward to...often healing begins as we recognize how special these babies are.

Then in 1997 I got pregnant again. There were no signs of trouble and I started planning everything right away. My husband has a child from a previous relationship and he was happy for us and for the fact that his child would have a brother or sister. Then I went in for an ultrasound and my doctor told me she couldn't find the baby. Later I received the news that I had another ectopic pregnancy. I went through a series of injections to have the baby terminated so my tube could be saved and I could try again, but to my dismay, my tube ruptured. I almost died, but came through surgery ok. I lost my other tube.

My husband grieved with me and after a year, he seems to be ok, but I still cry. Counseling doesn't seem to help much. We can still have children through invitro fertilization, but the cost is outrageous. We are trying our best to save the money though.

Seeing my stepson is wonderful, but sometimes I get upset because all I want is to have a child of my own. He will never call me Mom, and I will never be his mother. I am so grateful for the fact that I am at least not childless even though I am only a stepmom. I always try to remember that. I have a good relationship with my stepson (he is 4 years old) and I only hope that it will get better.

But a day doesn't go by that I think about our loss. I just pray that one day, God will grant me the greatest gift of bringing life into this world. And that I can raise my own child. I never give up hope that we will get the money to try. Everything always happens for a reason and my husband always tells me that maybe the reason for this is because when we do try invitro, we will have more than one child and God wants us to be settled and ready for what may come. I hope he is right.

I am sorry about the losses of your two babies. Ectopic pregnancies cause so many mixed feelings...our baby dies and it is so early most folks don't want to allow us to grieve the loss of a child. But it is. It is important to give yourself permission to grieve these to special babies in your life. Have you named your babies or done something special for them in their memory? Please read, if you haven't, "The Significance of You and Your Baby" SHARE Atlanta's workshop. Plus you have just passed the yearly anniversary when all this happened in '97...take time.

Then, you have had the additional loss of your tubes. We have had several folks in our group to experience this. There is more grieving to be done around the loss of our fully functioning body. A very normal response to such a tragic loss.

I am glad that you have a sweet stepson and that you are working to make you all a family, and that is very important(for ALL of you)! No other child, biological or adopted or step or anything, takes the place of the children we loose. With time and understanding, we learn to cope with this and know that we will hold them forever in our hearts. You have had a several recent losses - both a child and of your other tube...take the time to heal and then to explore other options. It really has not been that long. There is no time table for grieving. I am glad you went to a counselor. Is there a group near you? You can call or visit National SHARE's site or go to Hannah's Support Group(both on my site under Support Groups) to find help.

Invitro works for many...some of our group has adopted. Options have to be considered and thought through. It is so good to know that we can have the possible other choices.

I still get emotional sometimes only because of my fear that I will never have my own children. Like my last hope of becoming a mom was washed away.

My husband, gratefully, is so supportive. Invitro is the only way for us to have our own children. But it is so expensive. I think I've dealt with my losses and have come to accept what happened. My greatest fear, not having children, is the only obstacle I can't overcome. I'm 30 and my husband is 33. I'm afraid that by the time we save up the money to try invitro, I will be too old. Money doesn't grow on trees as we all know and it's hard to save up thousands of dollars. I'm still hopeful that it will happen for us and right now, refuse to accept the idea that I'll never have my own children.

Maybe someone else here, knows how it feels. I haven't given up hope and pray that God will bless us with a child someday.

On July 27, 1998 my husband and I found out that our third child, a son, had died just two days before his scheduled c-section delivery. The cause was a placental abruption which almost cost me my life also. We are a very committed Christian family and have a very strong extended family and church family. We have made it through this because of that support and from reading information on websites such as yours. We are recovering very well but I do see that this will be an ongoing process not a quick fix situation.

We have just recently found out that I am pregnant again! I am eight weeks pregnant and am already going through the confusing feelings that I knew would come. I am excited, scared and nervous all at the same time. Since all of my pregnancies were very normal and they could find no reason for the abruption I am seeing my regular ob/gyn. Some people have told me that since I have suffered a loss I should see a high risk specialist. Do you have any research or opinion concerning this issue? I love and trust my doctor but I want to do the right thing for this baby and for my peace of mind.

I also was wondering if you have information on how to obtain a doppler device for my peace of mind. I have heard mothers talk of it on your website and I have seen people with them on television but I can't figure out where to purchase or rent one. Any information that you could get me would be very helpful.

We are trusting God and know that He will be with us through this next pregnancy as He has been with us through our grief. But I also feel that the more information I arm myself with the more confident I will feel. Thank you for the service that you are doing. You have helped me tremendously.

I have just experienced my second miscarriage in two years. The first was a second trimester, and the most recent was at 5 weeks. My doctor is not helping me to understand the reasoning for this, although he said my uterus is tipped from the delivery of my first child. Do you have any possible explanations for these devastating losses? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

My husband and I moved to Georgia in January of 1999. In April, right before my 31st birthday I got pregnant with our first child. We were so excited because we have been married for seven years and had been waiting and planning for the time when we would be ready to have a baby. I got pregnant the first time I tried.

In August I went to my doctor for my five month appointment and first ultrasound. My husband was with me when the ultrasound technician informed us our baby had died. It was the most devastating thing either of us has ever been through. I went to the hospital, had labor induced and after 32 hours our baby was born with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck three times tightly. My doctors ran every test you can think of - autoimmune, infection, chromosome and everything came back normal. As rare as they say it is, it appears that our baby died from an umbilical cord accident.

I have looked all over the internet and the Share Atlanta site and I talked with Dr. Collins in Louisiana about his reasearch on cord accidents. He feels certain that is what happened in our case.

My question to you all is this - being new to Atlanta I don't know much about the doctors here. I feel that I received wonderful care from my current doctors, but I was wondering if anyone might know of an Atlanta doctor who might be especially good about pregnancy after miscarriage and hopefully knowledgeable about umbilical cord accidents. I asked Dr. Collins if he knew of any doctors in this area and unfortuntately he didn't. If anyone here could advise me or provide a recommendation my husband and I would really, really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Gretchen Larson

My Daugther Georgia was born on 6th April 1999. She later died at 23 days old on 29th April 1999 after complications after open heart surgery. The loss of our Daugther due to a heart defect has left us very nervous about the birth of our new baby in March 2000. Although we have had tests done to find any abnormalities it does not take away the fear that maybe it will happen again. Here's hoping that all is well.