Share Home Page. (Grief pregnancy loss miscarriage stillbirth neonatal loss) Anniversary and Holiday

Share LogoSHARE Atlanta

Thoughts at Christmas

E-Mail Exchange

The First Christmas

C is for the Crying that seems to fill each day,
H is for the Heartache that never goes away,
R is for the Reaching out into empty space,
I is for the Instant pain each time I see her face,
S is for the Sadness, that too is always near,
T is for the Torment now that she’s not here,
M is for Malignant hurt, relentless in it’s stand,
A, that sense of Abandonment when others don’t understand,
S is for Sardonic, my description of this season,

But this is all I know right now and with very good reason,
You see I miss my little girl, called by God at birth,
Had he left her just a little while,
This Christmas would have been her first.


The holidays are here...where is the cheer?

In our SHARE Atlanta groups we discuss how the holidays are very difficult. At a time when "family and friends" are together, we become even more painfully aware that our babies are not with us to share in these times.

Often participating in the familiar traditional activities increases our discomfort.

We constantly are pulled away from any joy to feeling our huge loss. Family and friends may believe that doing the familiar is safe...for some it may work, but as the folks in our groups have shared, this may be the time to start new traditions or to protect yourself from more pain by removing yourself from hurtful experiences.

Don't be afraid to vary from your usual activities.

Those around you "will adjust" if you let them know you are "making changes" to help you cope with this time of year. You may or may not be ready to return to the familiar at another time...time will be our lead. Our prayer is one of love and peace.


Letters and Poems from our Internet Friends about Christmas

Keeping Our Children "Forever in our hearts" During the Holidays by Colleen (11/97)

"Today I bought my daughter a Christmas tree." by Mary (12/97)

"A Special Momento for all bereaved Moms" by JoAnn (11/12/98)

"Holidays are's been 18 months..." by Ginger (11/12/98)

A Holiday Dedication to Cameron" by Jennifer (11/25/98)

"Christian in 1998" by Becky (11/30/98)

"...SHARE was there when I needed them..." by Linda, in Matawan, NJ. (12/9/98)

"Christmas for me personally this year was an extremely difficult time..." by Alan (12/31/98)

"More Special Ideas from Colleen" (11/99)

"Our Christmas Angel" by Tammy (12/11/99)

"Difficult First Christmas-New Baby in Family" by Alayna (12/22/99)

With Christmas coming, we began decorating our tree. I shed more tears as I lifted out the angel ornaments we hang in memory of our "angels". "It's the Holidays again!" by Gail (12/17/00)

"In Loving Memory of Noah William Hill ~ 01-19-99" by Tami (12/22/00)

"For the parents who have recently lost a child...I also know that I have my own Christmas angel watching us and I know she can see how much we still miss her 9 years later. " by Julie (12/24/00)

"I SURVIVED..." by Crystal (1/10/05)

"Your First Christmas" by Nicole Strickland (12/01/05)

"A Christmas Poem" by Kim Shiflett (12.1.05)

Keeping Our Children "Forever in our hearts" During the Holidays

In 1994 my family and I experienced the loss of Michael when I was 5 months pregnant and Kelley when I was 6 weeks pregnant. These children were a part of our family and a part of our dreams of the future.

My three-year-old, John, was looking forward to his little brother and sister, and the loss of these children was felt very deeply by the entire family.

Last Christmas was very difficult for our family. My memories kept returning to the Christmas before (one week before I lost Michael) and how we were surrounded by family arguing over what the name of the new baby should be. I was given a lot of new maternity clothes for Christmas that I was never able to wear. The memories of that Christmas are very painful to look back on because I felt that all of my hopes for my son were taken from me.

To celebrate last Christmas my husband and I decided not to go home for Christmas and to celebrate with just the three of us instead. I couldn't bear to recreate the Christmas before, because the memories were just too painful.

We decided to start some new traditions that would help memorialize our two "angels."

Here are some of the things we did that helped us through last Christmas:

  • Donate to a local organization that needs help at Christmas time.

  • I started a toy and clothes drive at my work for a Foster Children's home -

    in the area and helped deliver the presents myself during Christmas week. The joy on the children's faces was like my own children were smiling down on me and saying, "Good job, Mom!"

  • Choose an angel off your local Angel Tree - that matches up with the age your angel would be if s/he were living, and buy a gift for that child as if you were buying one for your own child.

  • Light a candle in memory of your child.

  • Stay close to good friends who understand the pain -

    you may be feeling at this time of the year, and invite them for a pre-holiday pot luck dinner.

  • Special toys (Coleen's 1997 idea)

    I am buying toys for children that would have been their age if they had lived to give to the Salvation Army to distribute and I am searching for special Angel ornaments to hang on the tree this year.

  • Create mementoes.

    We had my husband's grandmother make ceramic angels (one boy, and one girl) to give to our parents in memory of their grandchildren. It helped not only our parents, but also made his grandmother feel she was helping us in remembering our children.

    These things helped us through last Christmas, and I'm hopeful that one or many of these ideas may help you keep your children forever in your heart this holiday season as well. Love, Colleen

    See..."...almost three years..." by Colleen

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    It has been almost 18 weeks(in 1997) since I wrote to you about the loss of Danielle.

    Time does heal but the oncoming holidays have opened my wounds. I wrote this poem and I would like to share it with you:

    Today I bought my daughter a Christmas tree.
    A beautiful evergreen as tiny as she.
    With little red bows and
    ornaments of gold.
    Both will stay little, no chance to grow old.
    Today I bought my daughter a Christmas tree.
    Tomorrow I will bring it to the cemetary.

    Mary's story..."Our Precious Daughter" by Mary (8/97)

    Danielle Rebecca
    Hollywood, Fl

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    A Special Momento for all bereaved Moms

    While flipping through the 1998 JCPenney Christmas catalog I noticed they are again offering the "Celebrations of Life" ring (page 101). It's a 10K gold birthstone ring, engravable.

    I bought one last year in memory of my son, Ian. On the outside of the ring I had engraved Ian's first name and his birthdate; in the center of the ring is the September birthstone. I wear it every day. It's probably the most significant momento I have for remembering my son. The ring took about 6-8 weeks to receive, but well worth the wait.

    Just thought I'd pass the information along in case there are other Moms out there looking for a special momento. I enjoy "sharing" my son with others as well as having him close to my heart, so the ring has provided both for me.

    Not sure I'm in the mood for the holidays again this year; I'm finding myself looking through catalogs instead of tackling the store traffic. I think it's going to be another lonely holiday season.

    JoAnn's Diary...for more of JoAnn's thoughts...

    Ian Marcus Walter
    Binghamton, NY

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    Holidays are hard

    My son died some 25 minutes after birth due to neonatal asphyxiation. It's been one and a half years now and it's still very hard.

    With the holidays coming up I can't help but let my thoughts drift to Ryan and how it would be if he were here to share holidays with us.

    I know there are so many people out there who are going through this too. I don't really have anybody to talk to about this. Peoples reactions to me when I bring up anything to do with my loss and they give me the impression that they think I should be over this by now. That life goes on...... Well yes it does but it doesn't make it any easier.........

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    Ryan Levi Foose
    Died soon after birth
    Easton, PA

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    "Jennifer's Dedication to her son, Cameron on 11/19/98...

    You are my sunshine,
    My only sunshine
    You make me happy
    When skies are gray
    You'll never know dear
    how much I LOVE YOU
    'Til I see you again someday.

    Her reply to me when I wrote her my thoughts 11/21/98...

    We sang this song while I was growing up and when I got pregnant, since I was afraid to be happy about it to anyone, I sang this to him every night.

    It is amazing how I sang this and not ever even considered that "please don't take my sunshine away" could actually be my most earnest prayer. I never thought that he would be taken away.

    Jennifer's "Holiday Dedication"...
    November 25, '98..

    My little sunshine,

    I am so thankful for you and to God for allowing me to have you for 7 1/2 wonderful months. I love you with all of my self and miss you more than words.

    So, on this day before Thanksgiving I am sending my love to you, my special baby boy. I wish I could hold you and love you and have you for Christmas, but for you I will be strong and make it through this time... I love you, and you ARE my little bit of sunshine.


    For more of Jennifer's thoughts..."Cameron" by Jennifer (11/12/98)

    Cameron Michael Smith
    February 7, 1998
    Louisville, Ky

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    Christian in 1998

    We decided to name the baby Christian Lee, for a boy or a girl. (Secretly, I felt this baby is the little "sisser" Elizabeth dreamed about.)

    As we began to celebrate the holidays, we bought a little teddy bear with "Christmas 1998" embroidered on it. We also selected a gold angel ornament and had Christian 1998 engraved on it.

    (It is my hope that I will see my little angel someday in the hereafter.)We plan to bring these items out every Christmas.

    For more of Becky's story and "New arrival"..."Christian in 1998" by Becky (11/30/98)

    Christian Lee
    Hopkinsville, KY

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    David Paul was born on April 22, 1995, he was stillborn at 17 weeks.

    This is the one time of year that I get to remember him by going to our local Share group Christmas Service. I'm very thankful that Share was there when I needed them most.

    Matawan, NJ

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    Christmas for me personally this year was an extremely difficult time.

    I found myself grieving more at this time than I believe I did at the time of Emma's passing and to be honest I am still going through a tough time. I found it a very moving experience reading the messages for the holiday season on the site.

    Filled with the joys of Christmas, the smiles on the faces of children can sometimes only remind us of our loss but I suppose it can also be a help if we can look forward to the smiles with which we will be blessed in the future.

    Anna and I are very happy to tell you that our last ultrasound scan revealed that our baby expected on February 14th 1999 is another little girl. We have named her Abaigh which is the Gaelic translation of Abby but pronounced the same and of course we are very much looking forward to her arrival.

    A couple of weeks ago I wrote a poem which expressed how I was feeling at the time and indeed how I have been feeling quite often recently.

    I am including it here and if you wish to include it on the site or in the Newsletter that's fine, it may be of help to others who have felt or are THE FIRST CHRISTMAS

    C is for the Crying that seems to fill each day,
    H is for the Heartache that never goes away,
    R is for the Reaching out into empty space,
    I is for the Instant pain each time I see her face,
    S is for the Sadness, that too is always near,
    T is for the Torment now that she’s not here,
    M is for Malignant hurt, relentless in it’s stand,
    A, that sense of Abandonment when others don’t understand,
    S is for Sardonic, my description of this season,

    But this is all I know right now and with very good reason,
    You see I miss my little girl, called by God at birth,
    Had he left her just a little while,
    This Christmas would have been her first.


    Visit A Father's Grief/"For Emma" to read Alan's poem about Emma. 12/31/98...."Notes" for more of Alan's thoughts.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    More Special Ideas from Colleen

    It always seems to get a little tougher during the Holidays as we miss those children who should be with us but aren't. One of the ways we remember Michael and Kelley is by giving gifts to a local toys for tots drive each year.

    We chose the gifts that would be appropriate for Michael or Kelly if they were still with us. This year they would have been 5 so we will donate toys that a 5 year old boy and girl will enjoy in Michael and Kelley's memory.

    We also purchase two angel ornaments each year for them. We remember them as we hang their ornaments on the tree each year. It helps me feel that they are remembered along with the rest of our family.

    I have recently come across a web site and catalog that has three special things that I thing are perfect for remembering our little ones. The catalog is Personal Creations and their web site is

    They have a lace angel ornament that they embroider with your child's name. They also have a silver plated locket ornament that has "My Little Angel" on the outside and inside has depiction of a guardian angel watching over a baby and a place for you to put your baby's picture in. They have both a blue one and pink one. They also have a Lane Keepsake Box with a heart on the outside and they will engrave your baby's name on it. I had to share these things with you and please feel free to pass the information on.

    St. Paul, MN

    ***Personal Creations


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    In Loving Memory of Dawson Nathanael Cash 12-15-98

    "Our Christmas Angel"

    You have been gone now for a year,
    how I have longed to hold you near;
    Not kneel beside your little grave,
    put on a smile, and try to be brave.

    I've wished to kiss your tiny, sweet head,
    and tuck you safe and warm in bed.
    Not cry these tears, not have my heart break;
    But this is our destiny, our intertwined fate.

    For me to live a lifetime upon this Earth,
    saying, "Good-bye" the day of your birth.
    Learning to adore my son from afar;
    And smile as his spirit soars among the stars.

    Knowing no limits to this mothers love,
    at peace in the knowledge your in Heaven above.
    Conscious love reaches beyond time and space;
    And that you, my son, feel my Eternal Embrace.

    Happy First Heavenly Birthday!

    We miss you!!
    Daddy, Mommy, and Big Brother Zach

    "Our Angel, Dawson Nathanael" by Tammy (6/16/99)

    Dawson Nathanael Cash
    Memphis, TN

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    Difficult First Christmas

    Dear Marcia ~

    I really need help in coping with Christmas. I have tried to hold it together in preparing for it, but I absolutely lost it today. God, my heart is ripping in two, and it hurts to breathe.

    I lost her on March 13, 1999,....I've survived for almost a year but my world is crashing on top of me. I miss her so much.

    I wish I could just tell her how very much I love her. I write her letters all the time and keep them in a book for her. Hopefully some day she will be able to read them with me.

    Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because i really need help in knowing how to deal with Christmas and there are two reasons.

    Number one this would have been the 1st holiday i could have brought her to, and number two, my nephew and his wife just had their first baby a week ago and will be bringing him to Christmas.

    I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me, but no one understands and everyone will be goo gaa ing over their baby. Call me extremely jealous and extremely hurt because that's what I am.

    Anyway I was just needing some helpful advice. I hope you have a great Christmas!!!

    Wichita, ks

    Marcia's thoughts: Please know that I care very much about how you feel right now and know that your feelings are very normal for this time of year.

    Have you visited the page on Holidays - Christmas. Also, visit the page on Friends, Family, Co-Workers - both have stories about dealing with difficult family situations and how to deal with the holidays. The first holiday and anniversary are the hardest. And having a close relative or friend deliver a baby adds a big burden to our hearts.

    Please read "Allowing Grief to Happen to Heal" - I discuss ways to survive. Have you considered lighting a candle and leaving a verse in our Memorial Garden in memory of your daughter?


    At the holidays, we often need to do some coping kinds of helpful, meaningful activities to help us make it through.

    I have a page where mother's have written their babies...under Sharing Stories "Letters to a Special Baby". Perhaps you would want to send me one of yours to add - it may help another grieving parent. I think it is very special and healing when we write to our babies.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    Between August 1996 and July 1997, we lost three precious babies.

    Their loss has left a torn-open place in my heart that I'm not sure will ever heal. Most days I do very well--others, though, all I can think of is the three little faces I never got to see.

    I attend a growing Baptist church that holds a Baby Dedication ceremony in each month that has five Sundays. The Sunday following the loss of our third baby happened to be a Baby Dedication day. I didn't realize it until I was seated and the service had begun.

    I was seated in the middle of a crowded pew, so I couldn't get out without creating a disturbance. I was forced to sit there watching those glowing, happy parents presenting their beautiful babies for the whole congregation to see. With tears streaming down my face, I tried to be truly happy for the families on the stage, but I felt terribly guilty as well, because my sorrow intruded on their joy.

    After that, I tried to manage to be out on Baby Dedication days, or at least sit in the very back so no one would see my tears.

    I wonder why churches don't hold memorial services for people who have lost children. Just once a year would do, just to be able to say the children's names and have others remember too that they did exist and are still very much a part of the families they touched.

    With Christmas coming, we began decorating our tree. I shed more tears as I lifted out the angel ornaments we hang in memory of our "angels". I spoke each name and date aloud to our two young sons to remind them of the siblings they will see in Heaven.

    It was such a comfort to remember and to know that August Angel, Spring Spirit, and Summer Storm are waiting for us in God's own home.

    I would like to light a candle in memory of our babies. I want the world to know and remember that these children are just as much a part of our lives as the two that we are fortunate enough to have with us here on earth.

    August Angel, Spring Spirit, & Summer Storm Lunsford
    Ringgold, GA

    Marcia's thougths: I know well (and have had similar stories shared within the group) the pain you felt at the baby dedication. It is so hard to have to see these beautiful children while we are in the midst of pain and grief from losing our own special babies.

    I like your idea of having a dedication - and our church has a dedication for all folks who have died the previous year on All Saints Day, November 31. I have added to it this year with a floral arrangement on the altar in memory of our babies and all children. I included this in the service notes and than invited those who wished to come and take a flower from the arrangement in memory of a loved one.

    I stood up there after the service and was touched by how many came forth, received a hug from me and wanted to share the name or a thought about their loved one. It meant so much to me, too.

    We also have a yearly Memorial Celebration here in Atlanta - you can read about past ones on the site under Brick Pathway and October Awareness. You could also send me your address and we will mail you a year of our newsletters(no charge) - these tell you about it, also. You live close enough to join us and we would love to have you and your family. We have had folks from neighboring states join us.

    Part of what we can do as surviving parents is to help the community understand our kind of loss and loss in general. We do this to keep our babies alive in our own hearts and souls and to help the newly bereaved in their quest for healing.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Letters and Poems


    It's the Holidays again!

    Here I am hurt and disappointed. December is a month that I just be so humbug about and it seems like I'm all alone. What do you say to people when they ask you "Are you ready for the holidays?" or "What are you doing for the holidays?" Being the type of person I am, I don't want to tell them because I know they want understand, plus I don't want any sympathy.

    With both of my pregancies, my "little angels" were in my womb in December. Oh the joy to know that the following Christmas, a little one will be around to celebrate their 1st Christmas.

    Little did I know that my joy would become hurt, disappoint and always remembering, especially this month on what should have been by now 2 precious little ones (3 and 1 years old, respectively).

    I try to get in the "Christmas Spirit", but I can't because I'm always thinking about my little ones. Every little song I hear, parents taking their children shopping, listening to children talk about Christmas just brings me to tears sometimes.

    I hear and see things that say the "real reason for the season". I know the Real Reason, but does that make me less of a Christian because of the pain and heartbreak I feel each time during this holiday season.

    I am trying so hard to keep focus and know that Christ came on this earth to save us and that's a reason to celebrate. I am trying so hard to keep a happy face, even though on the inside it is killing me. I am trying so hard not to spoil anyone else "good spirit", even though on the inside I wish it was me with my babies and that I too could be in the spirit.

    I know that one day all of this will go, when I don't know. As long as there are Decembers, I know I will always be remebering and thinking of "MY LITTLE ANGELS."

    Angel 1 and Angel 2
    12/97 & 01/99

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    In Loving Memory of Noah William Hill ~ 01-19-99

    Well it's Christmas time again. This would have been your 2nd. We are missing you very much!!!!! We LOVE YOU!!!! We know that you are in the greatest place you can be, with you heavenly Father!!! One day we will see you and your brothers and sisters again. We look forward to that day. The holidays are the hardest. We miss you even more, if that is possible. Just always know that mommy loves you and misses you. Merry Christmas NOAH!!!!

    Noah William Hill
    Lawrenceville, GA

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    For the parents who have recently lost a child...I also know that I have my own Christmas angel watching us and I know she can see how much we still miss her 9 years later. "

    It is hard but it gets better. Its been 9 years and although there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my baby and wonder what it would be like to have her with me. I can get through each day.. Hang in there.

    December 13 1991 I gave birth to a beautiful heathly baby girl. 12 days later, on Christmas day, my healthy baby died and no one could tell me what happened. I was told she had everything thing - RSV to a bacteria infection - and everything in between.

    As a first time, very young mother, I trusted in my baby's Dr. and beleived everything he had said. Out of the 12 days there was only 1 day that I did not contact him about concerns I had. As it turned out, all of the concerns I called him and brought her in for were signs of her being very ill. She died of a massive bacteria infection that entered her blood stream. Something so easy to fix.

    The guilt was overwhelming and still is. I know had I have chosen another Dr that she would be here today. In March of 92 the discovery of the Strep B virus was announced and it turns out that I am a strep carrier, so my baby was sick because of me. With hopes of this not happening to another child I contacted an attorney and filed malpractice charges against the Dr. After I realized that nothing was going to happen to him, and that he would still be able to practice medicine I accepted the fact that my baby was gone.

    Within 2 years I was expecting another child. Today I have a very heathly 6 year old and I am expecting again in July. My daugter knows about her big sister and asks questions about her on a regular basis.

    When I am asked how many children I have, I tell everyone 2. Because of her death being on Christmas day I have a very hard time with the holidays. I don't see that changing anytime soon. I also know that I have my own Christmas angel watching us and I know she can see how much we still miss her 9 years later.

    Nycole Rea
    Died soon after birth

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters



    Don't ask me how I got through the hardest time (holidays)for me. I went through the motions of "enjoying" the season, all the while dying inside with rage because my precious son will never enjoy a holiday with me. I did fine on Thanksgiving until I went to the cemetary and talked to him. I remember crying and wishing with all my heart things were different and I had something... anything to be thankful for.

    I really felt as if my heart would break as I geared up for Christmas, what used to be my absolute favorite holiday. I hated all the gaiety of the season this year. I didn't want to do anything but of course, life goes on and so I did. I went shopping, dying each time I saw a tiny little baby (and it seemed like everywhere I went, there were 50!) or a pregnant woman.

    I thought I would be fine as long as I didn't have to deal with stupid, insensitive people. I felt as if I stayed around those who have been with me the whole time, I would not have to deal with anyone... BUT... I was so wrong. Even those who have been really wonderful made hurtful comments about things I was doing just to get through the rough times.

    Thank God for Marcia and this website! I have had two very meaningful conversations in the past month and both of you wonderful ladies... I think you were lead to call because without the two of you, I am not sure I would have been able to get through... THANK YOU BOTH SO VERY MUCH!!! (Angela Johnson - she is doing the online subsequent pregnancy diary right now-1/05).

    As Christmas got closer, I hurt more and dreaded the time when I would be around all of the family. Sure enough, it was so very hard to pretend to exude happiness and peace, when I was hurting so badly. My little sister, who I love as if she was my own child, did something that made things better somewhat though. I was so afraid that people would think it was strange of me to buy CJ's grandparents something from him but it was all I could do to get through. Even though she is only 19, my sister got it! She, and she was the only one, bought me two little Precious Moments angel statues w/ my husband's and my birthstone. She bought another one but didn't tell me about it until we were opening up presents. She handed this little box to me that read on the tag "CJ, Love Auntie Sam" and when I could see past my tears, I opened the box and it was his birthstone angel, as well.

    No one else even acknowledged him other than my husband and me. It made me feel so much love for her, more than usual, because of all of our family, she was the one who remembered her nephew and wanted to let me and my husband know that no matter whether he is living on this earth or not, she will always love him and miss him, just like we do. It helped a lot.

    I did pretty well the next day too! Until I went to the cemetary and wished him a Merry Christmas. I have a question: Will it ever get any easier to go and look at his headstone? It hurts to see his name written on that cold gray slab of rock yet, it gives me peace as well.

    The hardest part is that no matter what holiday I survive, my heart breaks each time someone else celebrates. CJ will never see a holiday with his family. That just breaks my heart every time I think I am beginning to heal! I am almost at the six month mark and even though my heart hurts, almost as bad as it did when he died, I still think I am getting better.

    I can HOPE right? After all, as Marcia told me: there is always HOPE! Almost six months later, I am still a proud mommy who talks about her little boy's time here as much as possible. I am healing but it is a slow go!!! CJ's Mommy Crystal

    4/49"How do I move forward?" by Crystal (9/8/04) GA Grief Menu

    4/41Charles Jeffrey Shoemaker, July 18, 2004 by Crystal (Newborn loss Between 20 and 32 weeks/Incompetent Cervix) Forest Park, GA

    Charles Jeffrey Shoemaker
    July 18, 2004
    Second trimester loss
    Forest Park, GA


    Marcia's thoughts: Yes, you will continue to survive because you are working hard to cope and doing things that help you realize that CJ will always be part of "who you are." No one can take that from you. Others can and, most likely will, move on and not mention him, but you will always have him with you. Our ultimate hope is that these feelings and memories will become "bittersweet" and not painful. As I have shared so often, doing things in his memory - especially outreach activities - softens and comforts because we gradually realize that the love we have for our baby can be shared with others. In doing this we honor his presence in our lives and we know that we do not have to forget our little ones...they become a very special part of who we are. As we do this, then we can let go of our pain and feel safer about moving along our path.

    Is this easy? No...

    The hardest time, as this section of the website and the part of grieving states, is at the holidays and special occasions and often from the 4th to 7th month. Our panic, shock and denial (all of which protect us some at first) are diminishing and the full reality of what has happened moves in around the forth month. We can face this more now because we aren't as fragile (really!) as we were, but it is very hard. We'd rather not. So, to push on now often takes more support and an understanding from those who have "been there." Why? because those who have not "been there" see time passage as an automatic healing. It is not. During this time our pain is often intense and confusing just because so many others want us to move on. So, we our caught in the middle. We have the reality of our grief hitting us in the face (if you will) and others thinking so much time has passed we should be over it. Then, the holidays cause our friends and relatives to want us to share them with us and therefore put our grief "on hold." It usually doesn't work.

    Can we survive? Well, yes. Love, patience and working hard on coping, and we can survive and will. Many have and others will continue. Mementos, outreach, reading, resting, exercise - all of these kinds of things are what we can DO to keep our heads above water while we tread water to stay afloat and cope. They work if we let them. The days of pain become fewer as time goes on. We begin to know that we don't have to think about our pain because we already have thought about it. We can begin to control when we grieve...grief no longer controls us. Healing is happening. It does happen, we have to help it along.

    Several outreach programs can help around the holidays: the March of Dimes Walk in April, the Festival of Trees, giving to the Foster Care Shelter, and our new Blankets of Love outreach that I will be putting on the site very soon. Akk provide a place to put our love and to honor our children while helping others. Crystal, your thoughts are clear and will stated..thank you for sharing them. They will help others know that these are normal patterns or reactions and feelings. Being "normal is important so we can build a healthy set of coping ideas around us and heal.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    "Your First Christmas" by Nicole Strickland

    I've dreamed and dreamed and dreamed some more,
    Of our first Christmas with our baby girl.

    You would have worn a little red velvet dress,
    And been all dolled up to look your best.

    On the chimney a pink stocking would hang,
    You'd fall asleep in my arms as the carols were sang.

    A baby's first Christmas ornament would hang for you on the tree,
    There would be yummy smells of baking and lots of shiny lights for you to see.

    Sadly, you won't experience it with me on earth,
    As you were called to heaven before your birth.

    I imagine how beautiful it will be,
    With the biggest, most beautiful Christmas tree.

    I think of the shining lights all around,
    And how lovely the caroling angels will sound.

    Marry Christmas, sweet baby, Mommy sends you love,
    As you celebrate Christmas with the angels up above!

    Written in honor of our angel, Darcy Qinn, who went to be with Jesus on June 21, 2005.

    Dear SHARE Atlanta,

    We are sending this precious angel ornament in honor of our sweet angel, Darcy Quinn Strickland, who was called Home on June 21, 2005. We felt a sense of peace when we found and bought the ornament. We bought a separate ornament for our own tree just like the one that will hang on the SHARE Atlanta tree! We plan to make this an annual tradition. We sent this ornament from Spartanburg, SC, and we sincerely hope we can get down to the Festival of Trees to see the beautiful memorial trees.

    I am also sending a poem I wrote for our angel in honor of her first Christmas. It means a lot for me to be able to share it with people who understand.

    Nicole and Jason Strickland
    Darcy Quinn
    June 21, 2005
    Inman, SC


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Return to list of Poems and letters


    "A Christmas Poem by Kim Shiflett

    We've filled our hearts full of holiday cheer
    And shopped for presents for loved ones this year.
    The house is dressed up with garland and lights
    That sparkle and shine through the holidays nights.

    But even with all of this holiday bliss
    There's someone we lost that we terribly miss.
    And as this Christmas Day draws near
    We wish with all of our hearts she was here.

    She's living her life way up past the stars,
    Somewhere past Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars.
    She's spending her Christmas in Heaven, you see
    And last night as I slept, a dream came to me.

    I was looking in her eyes and holding her tight
    And realized that someday, when the time is right -
    I'll love her forever, in Heaven that is,
    Though in my heart she already lives.

    She's left many gifts for us deep down inside
    That we find everyday with our eyes open wide.
    Each one is unique and wrapped brightly in love,
    They shine from our hearts as she shines from above.

    A special angel now hangs from our tree
    For we are no longer a family of three.
    And since we can't give her an earthly gift
    We're asking God: "Please give her a kiss."

    Kim Shiflett—2004
    In loving memory of Hope Elizabeth & her angel sibling

    Marcia’s note: Kim read this at our November 2005 Candlelighting. She shared that last year's Candlelighting inspired her to compose this verse. Kim’s poem shares the “hope” that we each wish to have as we hold our baby’s memory close and embrace those moments and treasures that bring positive reflections about our baby to our hearts. Kim has also captured this beauty , peace and love in the lovely jewelry that she makes for so many bereaved parents. A gift from her baby, Hope….

    You might wish to visit Kim's website - she makes beautiful jewelry in memory of our children.

    "Bracelet's of Hope"

    Return to "Holiday's Menu"

    Share Logocopyright(c)SHARE Atlanta '97-'07

    Graphics on this Site are Copyright