It is normal to be either intensely eager to learn everything about the physical reasons relating to the loss or to be afraid to find out very much information around the loss. As time passes, this confusion usually lessens.
SHARE Atlanta encourages parents to educate themselves about their loss, pregnancy "health" issues, and methods for taking care of your physical needs. We also believe that learning healthy ways to cope with your grief is very important.
In most situations, knowledge lessens fear and confusion. We believe that a good relationship with your doctor and the caretakers, who will be involved during the future pregnancy, is very important. Having a pre-subsequent pregnancy consultation with a specialist and/or your primary OB is very important.
Learning what would be done differently or the same upon another pregnancy is critical. Getting second opinions can be eye opening. They can validate, high-light, re-direct, open more doors and generally give you a better sense of your situation. This is true even if you feel very good about your present doctor. There are specialists who have seen many cases of what a regular OB sees rarely. These "high risk" and "infertility specialist" (repeated miscarriage or an early loss before 20 weeks doctor) have made a big difference for many SA parents.
Support for Medical Care & Grief Groups plus Resource(books, mementos, get name off baby lists)
Miscarriages & Ectopic Pg. Loss Support
Consider whatever you do to be normal for you, and learn more about the Normal grieving process to help you cope better.
Normal grieving may last from six months to two years depending on each individual reaction to the experience. Healing happens in little steps as we learn to cope. Expecting too much healing too quickly can leave parents frustrated and depressed. The 4th to 6th month after a loss are usually the most difficult because shock and denial are no longer present. Holidays, due dates and anniversaries are also difficult. Learning how to function during these times can help to ease us through them.
Put off all major decisions, whenever possible, for at least one year - including changing houses, changing jobs, etc. Grieving uses a great deal of energy and also causes us to be confused a good bit of the time. Often quick decisions feel "good" for the moment, but their lasting influences may not be what we were hoping for. The ups and downs of grief will stop. Taking care of ourselves by forgiving, limiting, and seeking support is the most important part of our first year after a loss.
The bonding between mother and child and father and child differs thus influencing grief reactions and time. Because the "bonding" between mother and child begins long before birth, a father should expect the mother to have more intense feelings for a longer time. It is important to keep the communication lines open and be supportive of each other.
SA's Grief Menu...click on hearts
SA's Holidays, due dates and anniversaries Menu...click on hearts
Father's Grief Menu
Mother's Grief Menu
SA's Parent Participation Menu - Ways to Heal...click on hearts
SA parents all over the country have "shared" how they have made their special baby's presence meaningful. Please visit the following link to read some diaries and many notes from parents with helpful thoughts. Our hope is to offer you options and that you will find some that work for you so your own healing can happen. Please join us on our forum or email us some of your own ideas and thoughts for healing.. We are here to help you heal. Marcia 11.2007
"Healing & Making Our Child's Presence Meaningful"
Before considering another pregnancy, give yourself time to grieve this loss. Each child is unique and special. Time, with working to better understand grief and how to heal, allows us to grieve and get ready for our next child.
SA's Subsequent Pregnancy Menu -click on hearts
Return to Menu on "Making Choices to Heal"
copyright(c)SHARE Atlanta '97-'12
Graphics on this Site are Copyright