I WAS RESEARCHING INFORMATION FOR A YOUNG PREGNANT CO-WORKER AND HAPPENED ALONG YOUR SITE. WHAT A WONDERFUL PLACE TO VISIT JUST TO READ AND SHARE AND CONFIRM AGAIN THAT I WAS NOT ALONE IN MY LOSS AND GRIEF.

I AM SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE THE 2 WONDERFUL, LOVING CHILDREN I HAVE, BUT I STILL WONDER WHAT THE 5 I LOST WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE.

WITH MY CHRISTIAN BELIEFS I KNOW I WILL SEE THEM AGAIN, BUT OH, WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE TO HOLD THEM NOW.

I GUESS MY POINT IS:

Eleven years have passed since you so briefly entered our lives but you are forever in our hearts. We are so grateful for the gift of your short life.

Grandma Ann is with you now so we know you are both okay. God Bless you sweet angel.

You are loved and missed by,
Mommy, Daddy, Jared and Mikaela

As my memories take me back to the familiar place in my heart reserved for you...I remember the day we said goodbye to you before we had the chance to say hello...

You were our firstborn son, Kyle, and you should have been 10 years old this year!

We, along with your brothers and sister, WILL meet you again one day soon...And we will NEVER have to say goodbye again.

Until then, you are safe in the arms of Jesus.

Lovingly, and always misty eyed with each thought of you,

Entry #2:

Dear Marcia,
It sure was nice to hear back from you. Thank you for adding my little verse to your dedication page. Wherever you would like it to be seen is fine with me. I have just discovered these memorial sites recently, as I've been searching on behalf of a few families I know who are in the midst of great losses.

Oh, how I could have benefited from these sites through the years. Even now, though, they bring me comfort.

It is amazing to read the different experiences that people have had...having been through it ourselves, I'm immediately there again...remembering, and wishing so much that no one else would have to endure it.

Our son, Kyle was born at 7 months, with no kidneys(Potters Syndrome) in 1988. Just this past week, I heard of a family, here in our city,( Kelowna, B.C. Canada...), who had a son...with no kidneys, who lived for 1 hour and 29 minutes...and they named him Kyle!

The memories that that brought to me, were incredible...and I relived our situation again...and again. I am in the midst of writing them a letter to attempt to bring them even a little comfort...I will write about our experience sometime on this site, and hopefully I can help someone else.

Being that our son died almost 10 years ago...you know that there aren't many folks who still mention his name...they must fear that we've forgotten..impossible! However, I am often contacted to reach out to people who are in the midst of loss, or else I seek them out myself.

Our happy ending to this sad story, though, is that we adopted 2 beautiful, healthy children in 93 & 94 (Kayla at 5 days) and( Adam at 5 days).Then as the old story goes.. I got pregnant ! This pregnancy was very nervewracking for us, as I was sure something would go wrong...It didn't...and I delivered a HEALTHY LIVE BABY BOY! in October of 1995...(Garrison. )

Well, I've rambled on here..but.it is SO nice to chat with another Mom who knows! Thanks, and God bless you for this very great and important work that you are doing. Sincerely, Karen Ritchey

He died within me, because I had an extreme viral infection that my doctor was not really concerned about. My temperature was above 103 for 3 days. After he was found to have no heartbeat, I had to carry him within my body for a month. Yes, a full month.

I have since had a miscarriage, and a beautiful big, baby boy! He was 9 lbs. at birth, on 10/24/89.

Yes, it has been a long time, but I will never forget him, and what I have lost.

I did join a support group in my area when I lost my son. It was and still is very helpful.

Even though my loss was 6 years ago it still to this day seems like it was just yesterday. I miss my son so much. We often think about him and wonder what he would look like today. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive.

We lost our son to Potter syndrome or they also call it poly cystic disease of the kidney's. It actually means he was born with no kidney's. We never knew there was a problem until I went to deliver. I would love to hear from anyone who has had a loss. I lost my son Jarrod on September 14, 1991.

Note #2 - Dear Marcia, Thanks so much for writing back. It is so nice to correspond with someone who knows what we have been through. I do have 2 living children Justin age 7 and Jenna age 5. Justin was my first born. He was 14 months old when Jarrod was born. Having Justin did help me a little.

Even through all my grief, we both still knew that we wanted more children. I became pregnant 2 months later. We were so excited and very nervous at the same time. We so desparately wanted to have more children. I went on to have a level 2 ultrasound and everything showed up fine. We felt a little better, but we felt even better when we held our child in our arms. That was the best feeling in the world.

I know I have lots more to say, but there will be more time another day. Sincerely, Wendy

(Marcia's comment: I can imagine your fear, excitement, etc. and then relief when Jenna was born. That must have been very difficult - not much grieving could take place then! Then with two little ones...Maybe you can reflect and get your breath and move further down the path now. It all takes time in our busy lives. We grieve, celebrate and move down the path of life as we can.)

I HAD A FULL TERM STILLBORN IN APRIL OF 1990. MY GRIEF WAS SO INTENSE, I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. NOW, AFTER 8 YEARS AND 3 BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY CHILDREN I'VE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH THE LOSS OF MY FIRST BORN.

I STILL HAVE MY "MOMENTS", BUT THOSE MONENTS ARE VERY SPECIAL TO ME. THERE ARE STILL TIMES I CRY AND WISH HE WERE HERE. I WILL MISS HIM EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

I JUST WANTED TO PUT MY NAME AND EMAIL IN YOUR GUEST BOOK TO BE THERE FOR ANYONE WHO WANTED TO "UNLOAD"..I KNOW THERE IS NOTHING I CAN SAY THAT WILL EASE THE PAIN...BUT I CAN BE THERE AND UNDERSTAND, IT IS SO PAINFUL, I KNOW, I'VE BEEN THERE.

Amber Louise Essential facial treatment began it's life 20 years ago. At seventeen years old I was enjoying being a "girl" and experimenting with various natural beauty, "bits and bobs." My aim was to create a facial that worked. With tips and tricks and a little bit of luck I formulated a facial mask that really did work. I began to use the facial treatment and passed out free 'masks' to my friends and family. Over the years they encouraged me to market the facial, but I had started a family at the age of eighteen and did not have time to be anything other than a mum.

My family grew and grew and grew, and by 1989 I had four sons all growing fast.

In 1990 I had a baby girl, Amber Louise born on the 20th of December 8lb 10oz.

Unfortunately, Amber did not survive what should have been as normal a delivery as the boys had been. I had a placental abruption that was ignored by the hospital staff until it was too late. The medical emergency team did all they could to revive Amber, but her tiny little body had shutdown. My perfect baby girl was gone.

Imagine how we all felt - I doubt it made a difference Amber being a girl, we had lost our baby - the whole family was heartbroken.

This all happened just before Christmas and we still had four sons to think of as well as a funeral to arrange. Christmas came and went but the pain inside me was strong. I suffered such a range of emotions, anger, sadness, disbelief - emotions I believe only those who have lost a child can truly understand in depth.

I found going out even to the shops difficult as people with happy faces would stop and ask me "What did you have" before I could explain they would be congratulating me on having a daughter. Friends that went as far back as school would avoid me not knowing what to say and parents of my friends would tell me how they had suffered similar losses.

I really did become a shadow of my former self and would often go into my bedroom to cry, away from the boys. I tried several things to help me cope. I raised money for the hospital special care unit, I started to collect angels. I knew I had to do something to help me live day by day and to help me face up to life after such a loss.

I decided then to package my facial and name it after my daughter. My intentions to make the marketing of my facial a family concern was greeted well by the boys who were eager to help. I took advice from agencies that were there to help new business and very soon had my facial treatment packaged and ready for marketing.

In 1991 I became pregnant with Gemma, guilt and fear hung over the pregnancy. I had just started my own product line and was doing well with the Aromatherapy party's I held. My Amber Louise Essential facial treatment had to wait a while.

Gemma Louise arrived early and after a short spell in special care was home with her family, I did find it hard not to see Amber in Gemma, and I could never dress her in white for bed. Almost two years later, Gemma was joined by Amy Rose and later (after migration to Australia) I had Meggan Ruth too. I still have bad days and in truth would say that from October to after Christmas each year I get very sad.

Now settled in Australia and having all the children apart from Meggan at school, I have more time to spend working on the marketing side of Amber Louise Essential facial treatment. I have a web site that tells about my product - in fact, the whole family has a place on this site. (www.fast.net.au/wwalker).

For those who have just lost a baby I am so very very sorry, I see the birth of Amber like a video wishing I could edit and change the results. I still get so angry at the staff at the hospital. Last year I thought I would sue the hospital for negligance but was told that I could not do this as I had waited too long.

Too long ? It had taken me 6 years to get to the stage where I could tell my story without crying.

But as I was just a young girl, my family never allowed you to ever be discussed. Years have gone by - you have a brother who is nearly 12, and another brother that died only at 7 weeks. I am glad to have a place where you can be remembered.

Jeffery:In two weeks, on October 14 my beautiful baby boy would be six years old. He would have just started grade one.

He would be riding his two wheeler bike and learning to read and tie his shoes. But he's not. Six years ago my baby boy, Jeffery Andrew was stillborn. It's hard to believe that it has been six years. It seems like yesterday that I held him in my arms and kissed his soft, furry head.

Jeffery died inutero at 38 weeks gestation of an umbilical cord accident. I now have two beautiful girls. One is 5, born 11 months after Jeffery. And the other is almost 10 months. I am grateful for my girls and feel very blessed to have them. But, everyday I long for my baby boy.

I still think that if I had another son, my pain and longing for Jeffery would ease. Rationally, I know that's silly because it's impossible to replace him. But still I desire to have another son.

Six years and my baby's memory is still fresh. Time has healed the open wounds but they are still scabbed, still easily opened. I don't cry very much any more, only at this time of year. When the first snowfall comes, I cry, because the day he was born we had our first snowfall of the year.

I miss my son, but have learned so much from his death.

I was involved in a support group for three years and helped others deal with their grief. I have become compassionate for others and much more empathetic towards people.

But I wish I could go back and have my son and be a shallower person with no knowledge of the pain and grief, than being so enlightened.

But with experience comes knowledge and it's up to us to learn from our experiences and become better people. I don't have many people I can talk to anymore about my feelings of grief. I'm sure most people feel that " I've gotten over it". But every once and a while I need someone to vent to. That's what I'm doing today.

So thank you to anyone reading this, I have found a way to vent. Yours Sincerely, Mary Jane

In 1989 I lost my twin girls. In them I had wrapped all my hopes and dreams. They were everything that I had ever wanted. To be a mom and do the family thing.

Tragically I was married to a man that was brutally abusive. He talked only of having sons. I had found out through testing after I had been in a car accident that i was pregnant with girls. I tried to keep this information from my husband but buring an argument I told him not to worry about having sons because he was going to be the father of two girls. (I will live with this guilt for the rest of my life) He became so angry that he beat me, throwing me down two flights of stairs and leaving me in the house alone, unconscious. The three of us almost lost our life that day. Sometimes I wish that it would have been me that had died instead, but it wasn't. I have since divorced this man and am trying very hard to start a new life. He also has married and started a family. He has his son and now a daughter also. I pray that he realizes what a gift he has been given. And cherishes both of his living children.

My daughters names are Amanda Leigh & Laura Ann. ^J^ ^J^ my two beautiful angels in heaven. I will always wonder what they would have become but I am certain of what they still mean to me. They are my diamonds in heaven.

Entry #2: ...Nobody in our family has ever understood our grief and we found those words as our only hope for may years. I would love to be able to say that I knew the man who wrote this, but I do not. When our daughter died, we were given a pamphlet type book called "When Hello Means Goodbye", we found that poem there and it has been our mainstay since Siobhan's stillbirth.

I am in the process of designing a web page for Siobhan and hope to be able to include it on her site. It is a relief for both my husband and myself for finally being able to grieve with others understanding and accepting our grief.

Thank you and everybody for helping us in this new journey. I also would be very interested to read your healings page and possible use something from there on her web site. Could you send me the address for this page? Thank you again. I look forward to hearing from you.

PS. I get this alot "How do you have her name?" Try this and it will help. Siobhan is Irish and the American way of saying it is "SI" sounds like "SH"; "BH" sound like"V" so it sounds like "Shavon". I get that alot, so now I just normally add it so people do not have to ask.

I remember it like it was only yesterday and yet it has been 10 1/2 years ago. I know that I will never forget our son, Nathan.

I was a very young mother, only 17 and yet I was excited and ready for the birth of a child. My husband and I were doing the normal things expectant parents do. >

I had a doctor's appointment, because I had changed doctors due to a clash of personality. The appointment went well, and the doctor wanted an ultrasound to be sure we had our dates right, etc. He did no internal examination because I had my records from the previous doctor.

I went in for the ultrasound, about to pop, of course, and was a little apprehensive. I knew the moment they started the ultrasound that something wasn't right. I could not put my finger on it, but I knew.

They were very quiet about things and they kept getting others to check the screen also. I was finished and my sister was waiting on me. I told her of my fears, yet she was reassuring me that nothing was wrong. I was to wait for the doctor to check it, and he wanted to talk to me.

He came in the room, and I can still see his face. He looked so distraught. He told me that I had a condition known as an Incompetent Cervix. The cervix had already began dilating, and the membranes were ballooning out of the cervix.

I was 20 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. I was to be admitted to the hospital immediately and they would be doing surgery the following Monday to stitch the cervix closed, a cervical cerclage.

I still remember the numb feeling. I listened and yet wasn't there. I went upstairs and was admitted. I was placed in Trendelenburg position, with my feet elevated and my head lowered, to decrease the pressure on the cervix. I was not sure what was about to happen.

The doctor had told us the possiblities and that if infection had set in, that he would have to let nature take it's course. I was scheduled to have surgery on Monday morning.

I woke up about 1 am and needed to use the bedpan. I was not allowed out of the bed for any reason. I used it and then felt a warm feeling. I figured out that my water had broke. I told the nurse.

She checked me and said she was going to call the doctor. Within minutes they were placing and IV and switching me to the stretcher. By now, my contractions were getting strong. I turned to see what my husband was doing, and there was a pool of blood in the bed, I had a placenta abruptio. I was there, yet I wasn't.

I remember going thru labor pains and then delivering a 1 lb. 4 oz., 12 in. long, baby boy. We held him for a little while. His eyes were fused shut and he was not able to breathe. I still see his tiny face, his tiny hands and feet.

I don't know that I will ever forget it, and I don't want to. I am so grateful for the wonderful staff. They took polaroid pictures and gave us his name bracelet, foot prints and I asked for the blanket they wrapped him in. ( I placed all the pictures and little items in a little photo album, that I still take out and show my girls, I then placed the blanket in a zippered bag, it still has a little of the smell of my baby boy. If we had placed it sooner, it would have more of that smell.)

The feelings were so strange, happiness, joy and yet a numbness. I know that without the Lord, we would never have made it. He has blessed us in so many ways. We have 3 healthy, beautiful girls, 9, 5, and 2 years. We are so greatful to the Lord and he deserves so much praise.

I also want to note, that we had a miscarriage between the 2nd and 3rd girls. I was only 11 weeks, but it was an eye opening experience. I thought my loss was so great because I was so far into my pregnancy. But, God showed me that a loss is a loss. I pray that I can touch someone and be a shining light for the Lord.

My point is, it is always fresh in my memory, yet I am not as saddened anymore. I did my grieving and now it is time to help others. I love people and I pray that no one has to go through such an ordeal.

It took time and love but, most of all a faith in the Lord. Let yourself grieve. My way of grieving may be different from yours, and that is OK. But, remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I really feel, that someday we will have another son. Please keep us in your prayers.

My son, Shane Michael, was stillborn on 24 May 1993. It was one day after his due date. The cord was loosely wrapped around his shoulder, but even after his autopsy, the doctor's could not give me a concrete reason for his death. The doctor who performed the autopsy merely "guessed" that Shane "crimped" his umbulical cord by pressing against it.

I loved my baby with all of my heart and soul and losing him was completely devastating. It has been almost 6 years, and still...not a day goes by that I don't think about him and imagine the little boy that he would have been. The one thing I am grateful for is that I know he is in heaven with God. Thanks for reading this.

One year to the day I had a healthy son, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you. I miss you two alot and wanted to do this so they will be remembered.

I will see you two in heaven one day. Just wait and see. We will all be together.

I love you my dear son's. I think of you often and have special Christmas ornaments for you I still put on the tree.

To begin with, this birth was my first child. Born at 1:37 in the afternoon, after a very average and uneventful pregnancy. The heartbeat was laboured and difficult to find from the beginning.

Because of this, my doctor wanted a second opinion. When that information was passed to me, I prayed "Lord please, if my baby is going to be damaged in any way or needs constant care because of being in a vegetated state-take him now". And he did! Nobody can tell me that God isn't merciful, as he didn't leave my son here to suffer through life not knowing how much he is loved and cherished.

It was very difficult to endure at the time, as the doctor giving the second opinion as to doing a ceasarean section took 30 minutes to walk, about 200 feet. My then husband was enraged, but as with any grieving parents we concentrated on comforting one another.

It was my intent to work through my grief alone! In hindsight, I think this may not have been the best decision - as I went to Andrew's grave everyday for over a year. In the process, shutting out my husband from my grieving process. To be honest, it was more to protect my heart than to invite in his criticism of my Grief! He felt I should "get over it!"

"Well as for getting over it", I believe you never totally do! It has been nine years, and I still think of my boy every day. I pray nightly for my Lord to keep him "close and safe"! I have never felt closer or in direct communication with my "angel" than now.

Here is what I hope for everyone who is going through this now. Time does heal the wound, it won't bleed any longer-but the scar is still on your heart. Allow the memories of a beautiful and precious angel brought to you, if only by grace to free your soul to heal!

My mother gave me a lovely verse for my sons headstone, it reads "budded on earth to bloom in Heaven"!!

Here is a poem I wrote to my son, almost a year after his death:

Marcia's thoughts: Your thoughts will help other parents who have both just lost a baby and who have lost years ago know that we never forget our special babies and we hold them close forever. Your grieving sounds very normal...as do your husband's thoughts. Going to the grave everyday is something that many moms, especially do, and it does help us to heal. Also, our confusion as to how to "protect ourselves" from more hurt is very real. Increasingly allowing the sweeter memories to remain is so important for healing -thank you for helping to let others know that this can happen.

It is hard to believe that 8 years has past. You are in our thoughts every day. We talk about you to your two little sisters often. Even though they never met you they always speak about their big sister. It makes life a little easier knowing that we have a special angel watching over us.

This is an anniversary time for me - it has been 12 years since Erin Marie was delivered stillborn - two weeks before her due date. She touched our lives and continues to live in my heart every day.

I happened to find this website and what a tremendous source of sharing.

Yes, I still cry and this is the most difficult time of year for me. My thanks for giving me this opportunity to share my grief - I feel like I am still trying to accept, even though my life has continued since that heartbreaking day (July 24,1987).

I lost my twin boys Jonathan and Lachlan at 29 weeks gestation (nov 1994) after premature labour.

Both boys did well for a time before Lachlan developed respirator complications at 6 days old. My husband and I live in a small town so could not get to Sydney until the eve of his death. I treasure that we got to see him alive still.

Our other baby Jonathan did well until 13 days old. He developed sepsis and died suddenly and very unexpectedly. I will always love and think of my babies lost.

Having support from sites such as this and from caring family and friends allows me to remeber them in a positive way.

As you can imagine, this is a very shortened description of my story, but really what else is there to say, they lived and we loved them, now they are gone and we still love them.... I see them every day in the eyes of my other three children (one pre-twins, two post-twins), and they help me to heal.

Thank you for sharing your story and helping others to heal.

Ps: losing my boys taught me many lessons, the least of which inspired to lead a more productive life, hence I have reumed my schooling and am studying psychology with the aim to one day also help others.

Where do I begin? I suppose the best way is to start at the beginning, I'm just afraid that once I start I won't stop.

November 1992, my husband came home from work to tell me he decided it was time to start a family. I was ecstatic - I had only been hinting for months.

After stopping the pill my cycles were irregular and I had been disappointed on a number of occasions when I hadn't fallen pregnant. Late March and my period was again late. I held off rushing to the doctor. Steve was at me to go, so on the 1st April, I toddled off. To my surprise and delight I was finally pregnant and we'd have our baby in November.

Morning sickness soon came the week after then finally stopped. I woke one morning to some spotting but I wasn't alarmed at first. I went to a meeting and arrived at my mum's for lunch in dire straits to go to the toilet - that's when I began to bleed and the cramps began.

I became concerned and rang my doctor who told me to go to bed. I told my mum and she took me to the hospital just to ease my mind. They didn't seem too concerned.

That night the cramps got worse and the bleeding brighter. Again I went to hospital, this time to the one near home. Again I was told not to worry, just rest.

The following day the bleeding became heavier and I now began to pass clots. I had an ultrasound and everything seemed fine. At 7pm that night the pain was unbearable so my husband rushed me to hospital where I was admitted.

I spent the next 6 days in a medical/surgical ward where only my physical needs were met. I was constantly told, "if it happens, it happens. Don't cry about it". My need for pain relief was also overlooked.

After crying in pain for 3 hours and after I asked numerous times for pain relief, I received it only because I rang my husband who came in. I have informed the hospital director of Nursing and that ward has been counseled.

The 6th day I was moved to maternity at 4pm. At around 7pm the cramps started and became worse which resulted in pain relief. About an hour later the pain increased and the staff recognized I was going to lose my baby so I was given more pain relief.

The blood was gushing away and I had no control. Around 1am on the 13th May, 1993 I woke. I didn't feel right and asked for a pan. I felt the need to push and when I did there went my baby. I was too afraid to ask the staff to see my Jay.

Shortly after I began getting sharp pains and again I was given pain relief. At first I didn't want my husband to leave, but I soon found myself feeling warmed and loved, contented and knew I wasn't alone, and without thinking I told my husband to leave.

My husband told me later that I continually looked over my shoulder and smiled like someone was there, so he decided to leave. As he did he went to turn my night light off but it wouldn't. A short time later it flickered and every time I opened my eyes it flickered. We had the light checked and nothing was wrong with it. I'm not a great believer in the supernatural, but I do feel it was my Jay letting me know he was okay.

I attend a miscarriage support group at Bowral Hospital 3 weeks later. My friend wrote to find out how the group went and also sent me the article on Pen-Parents from the magazine. It wasn't until I attend the next meeting I found out that Pen-Parents do help and was lent a couple of newsletters. Enspiring me to write my own strory.

As I've read back on this letter I realized I haven't spoken much of my feelings. I'm no different from the next.

I got angry with Steve, myself and Jay. I withdrew, I cried, I've felt guilty. I also feel very alone, even in a room full of people. I have a hard time hearing people planning to fall pregnant or who have.

I don't want to forget or replace Jay but I do want to be pregnant soon.

Thanks for letting us get our experience out in the open.

Love Michelle & Steve & Jay (dec.)

I wrote this some time ago and since then have been blessed with boy/girl twins who are now 4 and another son who is now 3.

We were just married.. I found out I was expecting about 3 months later. Even though it wasn't planned, we were very excited. I had called everyone in our address book to announce the blessed event.

I had little experience with kids, but I was reading a lot so I could be the best mom I could be and know everything I would need to know to take care of this little life that was being given to my husband and I.

When I was about 6 months along, I always seemed to have stomach aches. The doctors kept saying that nothing was wrong. That it was just pulled muscles.(I got quite big)

At 32 weeks into the pregnancy, I woke out of a heavy sleep at 2am. I was having severe pain in my stomach and new something was wrong. I woke my husband and he rushed me to the hospital. I wasn't bleeding, but I was showing contractions one right after the other. They tried to stop the labor with medicines through the IV. The medicine made me sleep a lot. Most of the rest I'm writing is information my husband told me after the fact.

The baby's heart rate started going down with the contractions. The doctor was in the middle of a phone call for a second opinion when they lost the baby's heartbeat. They tried for about 20 minutes to find it my husband said.

It wasn't until six hours after he was gone that I started bleeding. They rushed me in for a c-section. They gave me a fifty percent chance of surviving they told my husband.

But I did make it. I awoke in the intensive care unit with my husband there asking if I wanted to see Corey(that's what we named him). For a minute I thought it had just been a nightmare. That I had only dreamed this awful experience. But when he came to me with this bundle of blankets in his arms, I knew it was true. It had happened. I was living a nightmare. I was so weak that I couldn't hold my son. I regret that so much.

I spent a week in the hospital. And the day after I was released, we had our sons funeral. A few of my family came from a distance away. I arrived an hour earlier than everyone else along with my husband. This way I could have some time with him alone. I got to the door of the room he was in and saw the smallest casket. I saw him lying there. I was in awe. Still amazed that I had had a baby, and in shock that he was dead.

I brought a picture of my husband and I and placed it in the casket with him. I kissed him on the cheek and just stared at him and held my husband. And just cried and cried. I felt so empty and didn't know what to do. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life was to close his casket. Knowing I wasn't going to see him again until I joined him in heaven.

Some of the worst comments I heard from family and friends had to be: at least you can still have more, or I know how you feel.

Another child isn't going to replace the one I lost and none of my family had lost children. My parent didn't even like to acknowledge him when I would talk about him any. It made me feel like he had never existed except to me and my husband.

It's been almost 9 years now. My husband and I made it through it all together. We've had 4 more children, all girls. All of them are well and are my world. They help fill the empty arms, but unfortunately, they don't fill the empty part of my heart that belongs to Corey. Nothing ever will. I miss him so much and regret that we never got to know each other.

I love you, Corey!

Marcia's thoughts: Your story confirms what we share with our newly bereaved parents, we never forget the details or our love for our baby. We hold them forever in our hearts and souls. It helps newly bereaved parents to understand this so they can save mementos, share their story and begin to heal knowing that healing doesn't mean forgetting.

I had a stillborn baby girl named Halie Maye Hanson 5/5/1993. She was due 5/8/1993, which that year was Mother's Day.

That was the hardest year of my life, the first year of holidays. I now have 5 yr. old twin children that help me make it through the sad holidays.

Even though I never got to see Halie alive, just seeing her and holding her after she was born was enough to let me know she will always be a part of my life.

She would have turned 7 this May and there are always the thoughts of "wonder what she would look like", "how would she act", "she would be in school", those thoughts will always be there.

I am so grateful to have my twins now, they are my world and could notimagine life without them. They will never replace Halie, but they are my gems in my life!! As the years go by it does get easier to make it through the hoildays. They are still sad, but I know that Halie is in a peaceful place and she will always have a special place in my heart.

Marcia's thoughts: As I have said so many times, we will not forget these special babies and I believe that each of my five children, three in heaven two living, have helped mold who I am today. Your thoughts help confirm this for both myself and those who read the site. Thank you for sharing.

Nicholas was our first child. We had been married for only 6 months when I found out I was pregnant! We were so excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone. My pregnacy proceeded normally with everything seeming to be fine. We were all set by the time I was 34 weeks along and never even thought something could go wrong.

I awoke one morning feeling fine and went about my day. After a few hours, I realized my normally active baby was not kicking at my belly as he usually did. I called the doctor and they had me come right in.

I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and little Nicky's heart was beating away but seemed to fall to a pretty low rate. They kept me hooked up for hours, and then sent me home. I didn't know at the time, but our baby was in distress most of the day. As soon as his heart rate stablized, they sent me home.

Three days later, I was back with the same problem. This time, little Nicky's heart was not beating away. The ultrasound technichian was silent and then wished us good luck. The way she said it froze my heart. By the time we walked back to the doctor's office in the hospital, they had already delivered the news. Our son was gone. Now I had to deliver my son who would never cry or draw a breath at birth. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The physical pain was minimal, but my heart broke with every push.

It still hurts so much to think about that time in our lives, but how can I not think of my little boy and what could have been. He is always with us in our hearts and it helps to know that he is in a good place and someday we'll meet again and he can finally call me mommy.

It is hard to believe that even after 7 years the feelings of that day are still apart of me as if it could have been today. I felt and still feel a loss that you can not easily put into words.

As a matter of fact I have never put into words on paper. I still remember what would have been her birthday. I went on to have two healthy boys after my miscarriage, but so many people said "Oh this baby will help heal your pain." It may have taken some of the pain away, but the loss is still so great.

I actually didn't know if my baby was a girl but my heart tells me so. I already had a 5 year old little girl, and from the moment I told her I was pregnant that is all she talked about was her sister Meghan. Somehow I feel she knew.

I often wonder what my life would be like raising my 4 children instead of 3. I can picture my little blonde haired, brown eyed little girl. And I want her to know Mommy loves her......

Little darling, may the One Who Watches us all bless and keep you until close until the time for you to return to mortal life comes again -- I love you.

It's been many years since that night, but I will never forget.