Your mommy and I are sending you little Jacob to look after. Please keep him safe and warm as you are older than him. As I write this I am thinking of you, my three little children that I've never met. I am so sad that I 've never seen or held you, never gotten to know you, never heard your first words (I'm sure it would be "no" just like your brothers, Braxton and Cullen). I'll never spend a lifetime watching you grow. I wish more than anything that the three of you were with the rest of us. Five kids in the house, what a wonderful, joyous (not to mention noisy!) zoo. I guess it wasn't meant to be, but one day we willl neet, and it will be as if we were never apart. I will know you by your smiles and your voices, in the way you look like your bothers, and by you love for each other. Jamie, Jesse, and Jacob, make sure you take care of each other for you are a family, and when you can, look after your brothers, Braxton and Cullen. Run along now, kids, I know yhou have a busy day of playing ahead, but from time to time, think about...

I remember waiting in the lobby and Ondrea complaining because she had practically had to drink 3 gallons of water, and it was going on 45 minutes since we’d arrived. I remember her being called into the back room by the nurse, who was irritated because Ondrea complained of having to wait so long. I remember the nurse coming back out without Ondrea and going back into the room with the doctor. I remember the feeling of helplessness as I stood in the dark room, staring at a monitor, trying to figure out what I was looking at, but understanding what it said. I remember Ondrea laying there on the stainless steel gurney with jelly smeared all over her stomach, sobbing because she realized our life had just changed in that instant. I remember the nurse’s expression turning from irritation to sorrow.

I remember these things because they make me realize how lucky we are to have Jaiko. I want to remember these things so that I never become complacent and take our sweet Jaiko for granted. SHARE has been instrumental in helping Ondrea and I come to grips with the pain that we experienced. It has made me realized how precious is the gift that some of us are blessed with.

Chris and Ondrea Celka lost their daughter, Dakota, at 14 weeks in April, 1995. They are also the proud parents of Dakota’s sister, Jaiko Madison (1 1/2 ).

We too often bog down with our own misery without reflecting upon God’s purpose. That is one of our human frailties. We say, “Woe is us!” and “Please, everybody, say something to me to show you care.” In our self-pity we may miss God’s message.

God gifted Betty and me with six children. Two are now grown, married and doing their own lives. Four “others” are but memories. We knew them only a painfully short while. In fact, even today, I often do not give them their due...as being as much our children as are the two who are with us. The difference is time and relationship. We hardly got to know them.

These “other four” were used by God to open my Betty’s heart to parents of “other” children. To minister to parents as they cope with what might have been and what never will be.

God used these “other four” to communicate to me just how fleeting is life and just how urgent is His message to us to seek Him and to abide in Him. I was forty-six years old before I finally figured that out. I was in denial and harbored great and deep-seated anger growing out of this and other personal losses I had experienced. It finally dawned on me that, all the while, God was preparing me to be my Betty’s partner. He prepared me to encourage her to reach out and into tragedy to help others find His rays of hope.

SHARE Atlanta is such a vital ministry to hurting parents of every creed and walk. Grief knows no ethnicity or wealth or poverty. Beyond those superficial aspects of life, we each are His children and He never loads us up with more than we can carry. Coping with grief without the support of friends through an organization like SHARE is more than most of us can carry. I suppose then that SHARE is truly a gift from God.

After all our losses over the years I began to wonder if I would ever be a parenting father. This father's day is very special because we now have Jenna, our adopted daughter from China. I can't help but think, had we not had our losses we would not have Jenna today. If Jenna were not with us, where would she be? Still in her orphanage? Maybe adopted by another family?

I can't imagine Jenna not being my daughter. I would have missed her first kiss on my check. I would have missed getting her bed ready at night. I love getting her bed ready. I would have missed picking the green blocks out of the cat's food. I would have missed out on the love I give to her and the love she gives to me.