Stages of Grief

The stages of grief, that are generally accepted as possible, are:

These stages represent strong heart controlled emotions.

Our loss has forced us to deal with many new realities and feelings. We are being propelled down a path not of our choosing at a time when these emotions rule and cause us to feel out of control. It is very hard to regain a sense of control. Many of us try to do this by staying in a mode of denial.

Eventually, for most of us, we must slowly move through our emotion charged path. An understanding of the grieving process and coping ideas can aid our walk. We need to acknowledge and express our feelings so they will no longer dictate our every moment. We must take the responsibility to heal. We gradually learn that we do have choices: of things to do and who we will become as we travel along our path.

Every primary loss leads to numerous secondary losses. (Mary Joe Hannaford - "Windows")

These additional losses increase our emotional roller coaster causing more confusion and pain. We know we have lost our baby, and we come to realize that we have suffered "other" losses as well! It's enough to send the most ordered individual off the path!

As we recognize these losses, we begin to understand how far reaching our loss is. As we come to understand there impact on our lives, we begin to cope with some of our reactions. All of these losses do not affect every person who has had a loss. The following poems and stories speak to some of these losses. Marcia McGinnis

Visit "Sharing Stories - Initial Feelings and Reactions After a Loss" (see Drop Down Box)

Feelings: Panic, shock, fear, sadness, anger

Secondary losses: Loss: of being a parent, ...of "fulfilling our role", ...of innocence, ...of self-worth, ...of security, etc.

L'Tanya writes about others' expectations, in the poem above, and how they may influence our grief process. Sometimes their reflections on our grief issue cause us to wonder if we have the right to grieve this little person in our lives.