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Grief's Path & Healing...continued...

From SHARE Atlanta's "Special Gifts" Page...

My Son, Ian's, Stillbirth Has Helped My Parents With Their Loss..

There is one important thing that has happened since the loss of Ian. My parents had a stillborn daughter in 1953. My parents never shared their loss with me until much later in my life.

Times were different back in 1953; my Mother never got to see her daughter. Also, my parents had never bought a headstone for my sister's grave.

By accident I found out they had bought a headstone shortly after we had Ian's graveside service in September 1997. The headstone is inscribed "Baby Girl 1953."

Now I wish I had known they did this, because I would've suggested they name my sister. But that's okay, too.

Now I call her "B.G." and take great comfort knowing that if it hadn't been for Ian's stillbirth, my parents may never have bought a headstone for their daughter's grave.

It warms my soul to know that when my parents leave this Earth, at least they will feel better about doing this for their daughter.

Ian Marcus Walter
Binghamton, NY


My son, Spencer's, stillbirth has helped my mother-in-law..

Naming Your Babies after 41 Years
Barbara Calvert
Born August 27,1957 died August 28,1957

Edward Cheshire
Stillborn on October 13, 1958

Entry #1 -

My mother-in-law had her 8th child that lived almost two days. They didn't let her name her or anything. I got very angry about that. How stupid!!!

When I asked her what the kids names were (her 9th was stillborn, full term) she said, "I was going to call the girl...." I stopped her in mid-sentence and told her that there was no "I was going to.." I said, "You are going to call her. You need to call her by name....

She is such an amazing woman. ...acknowledge her accomplishments as a mother. She is going to be 75 this year, and I admire her greatly for all that she has done and been through. Can you imagine? - 26 pregnancies, 14 children (she had one miscarriage at 6 months) 12 miscarriages.

Entry #2

Guess WHAT? I asked her what the babies names were, and she said "I was going to...." I stopped her mid- sentence, and said "NO What Are The Babies Names!" She told me their names.

She called me yesterday, (Monday) and said, "I just wanted to tell you that I wrote the babies' names in my journal." I was thrilled.

I said, "How do you feel about that?" She said, "It feels really good to see it in writing. I've never written it down before." She was crying.

I just felt my heart swell that she had finally found some peace. Not much since her grief has been silent for 41 years. But it's a start.

Marcia's note - not everyone will choose to name their children, and we should respect that. Kim knows her mother-in-law very well, and Spencer and Kim have given her a very precious gift.

Spencer Calvert
Stillborn - 2/13/98
Duluth, Ga

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