During and right after a loss others understand the need to grieve.

Tears, sadness and disbelief are accepted, encouraged and defended. After two months ...most everyone else is ready to move on. Most parents are not. Friends and families have seen the parent through "the worst" and are ready for the grieving parent to cope.

During and right after a loss, parents react to what is going on and may seem okay to those around them.

Many state that as long as there was "something to do" - like robots - the issues were addressed. Parents are numb and, for the most part, don't take in all the emotional turmoil. Parents may even tell others that, "We are doing fine."

But, hearts and arms do ache - now that the physical details have been "taken care of," the emotional details truly begin to happen. The initial shock and denial are starting to wear off and other feelings invade moms and dads. This is a normal part of the grieving process.

Most folks think grief lasts 2 to 4 weeks. Why?

Perhaps because that is the general attention span that can be allowed for a tragic event...then life has to "return to normal." Societies' lack of knowledge around the grieving process causes the bereaved to be even harder on their grief reactions. Parents decide something must be truely wrong since they "aren't over the pain."

You must give yourselves permission to grieve longer than the alloted time.

Today you would be a month old. I wonder how big you would be, what your sleeping habits would be.

I long to hold your tiny body in my arms, to kiss your fingers, caress your soft skin. I long to hear your cries in the night awakening me to let me know you are hungry. I long to hold you close to my breast and share that special time as you nurse.

Will I ever stop missing you, needing you?

I find myself still reaching down to hold my slighlty swelled belly and then it hits me your gone.

I know you are up there with your sister and brother and your great grand-pa, and they will take care of you until mommmy and daddy get there.

But I miss you, Cassidy, and Chris jr. more than anything. Your little lives were cut so tragically short.

I would be 4 months pregnant today. You would probably be just starting to kick where I could feel you a little bit.

I will be moving into my new home this week, which was meant for you and I. I can't seem to be happy about this first home of mine without you.

I feel as if I am still wandering around looking for something I am never to find. I want to believe your having fun with your great-grandpa's and they are spoiling you rotten. I love and miss you so very much my precious baby girl.

Today is 8 weeks since I lost my daughter at 5 1/2 months of pregnancy.

I found out she had a lethal form of dwarfism(osteogensis imperfecta type II). I am 36 yrs old, single with no children.

I was with my daughters father for 3 yrs when I found out I was pregnant. Things were not great, but I thought we could get through the pregnancy by sharing the experience. However I was wrong. He didn't come around much. When I found out there was a problem with Dominique and had to see the 1st specialist, he said "he didn't feel comfortable" going with me. At this time I knew he wouldn't be there for me, so I left him.

My family was there to support me when I found out I would never take a baby home no matter when I had her. They were there when I had to make the decision to carry her(and have her suffer if carried to term) or interrupt this pregnancy. They were there when I had to decide if I wanted an autopsy done, to determine if it would happen to me again. And they were there when I had labor induced and delivered her in the bed pan. All the doctors said she would not be born alive, but she was(thank god she didn't suffer) and again they(my mom and sisters) were there.

I bought a house so that my daughter and I could have our own place, but now that is empty along with me.

I feel like everyone has forgotten what I went through and what I am still going through. I have no one to share my thoughts and feelings with that understands. I have a difficult time sharing how I feel with anyone, because I don't think they want to hear me talk about her or hear that I am really not doing well.

My heart hurts all the time. I would appreciate any help or advice. I would love to find a great chat group. Thank you, Tracy