He was born, stillborn, on March 13th, 2007, just a few short hours after his Mom had felt him last move in her womb. As I held his little, full term, perfectly formed, lifeless body, I felt helpless. I had felt the same emotion a few minutes before when I watched my son-in-law and daughter hold him in their arms with the sort of grief that only loving parents can feel and only heaven can heal.

I had held that same grieving mother some 20 odd years ago in my arms when she was not much more than a toddler and promised her that, "Daddy will always love you and always take care of you." And I realized that some promises have limitations---here was something Daddy couldn%t fix "Daddy couldn't heal."

In my own pain, I tried to see the meaning in all this.

We found out a short time later, when we received the autopsy prelims, that his heart was underdeveloped, and, had he lived through his initial problems, his heart would not have sustained him. This was some measure of comfort in this.

Marcia's thoughts

Dear Thomas, This is an incredible meaningful letter that you have written. I have been doing this group for a long, long time, and this is a very dear statement of love for a grandbaby, a daughter and son-in-law. It touches me greatly to read it. I want to include it in our next newsletter that will cover Father's Day. Your words will touch and reach many daddies and granddaddies. I am so sorry that our window cut you off. If you can recreate the end, I would love for you to send it along.

My thoughts are with you as you and your family grieve the death of Jacob born on March 13, 2007. Your words brought me a picture of your family holding this tiny, perfect baby. Very powerful indeed... Jocob's presence will always be with you and these memories will hold him close.

By seeking support for yourself, you are reaching out to better understand how you might help yourself and your daughter and son-in-law. This is one avenue to continue the protection/love that you have given your daughter since her birth. Our group has many options that you might turn to. Please send me your address and I will have a Parent Packet sent to you. There is also information about the grief process and about Grandparent Grief on our website.