Sleeping in our waters, floating in our wombs,
Growing like butterflies, in our warm cocoons,
Their features they develop, as the weeks go on,
But how could we prepare ourselves,
that something would go wrong?
Lisa B.
Ireland
The loss of a baby, at any time during or right after a pregnancy, is a tragic experience. Very few people understand the immensity of this kind of loss.
When you begin to see and talk with your friends and family, you will find that their responses are not always in tune with your feelings, or that they just avoid saying anything for fear of being inappropriate. They, too, are confused about how to handle this kind of loss.
Often, soon after a loss, bereaved parents will be told to forget their special baby and to continue with their lives.
Though family and friends may believe this is best for you, you must make your own choices along your path. Your baby will always be a part of your life. We encourage you to talk about your baby and your feelings about your loss.
We also know that degree of pain around a loss varies with each individual and each family. Reactions depend a great deal upon the circumstances at the time of the loss.
Grieving leads to healing...
SHARE Atlanta understands the importance of grieving and of remembering your baby-your dream. This must be done in your own way at your own pace. SHARE Atlanta's parents believe that every child is special...
>I heard a windchime yesterday and stopped to wipe a tear away,
I was reminded of the afternoon my daughter Grace arrived too soon.
I held her, rocked her, and I cried, for the chimes announced that she had died.
I hope someday I'll hear a chime and it will make me smile.
For it will bring my baby back across the years and miles.
And rather than mourn what should have been...
I'll hear her laughter on the wind.
DeAnn
Las Vegas, NV
6/25/98
SHARE Atlanta's Support Along Your Pathway of Healing
A Journey Towards Healing
Marcia McGinnis
Grief is an active, normal process
that we must move through to survive our loss(es).
To realizing and identifying "what is"
Then discovering and defining a path for "what will be"...**
We were on the path of parenting a living child, and we ought to be fulfilling this role. Instead we have lost this role, and we are dealing with a very painful and unwanted process called grief.
Our entire life's focus has changed very radically in an extremely short period of time. As we move through this process, we must redefine who we are and where we are going...
More about what our journey on this path might mean...
We picture ourselves right after our loss as standing at a "You are Here" point. We know that we have lost our child (what is) and we fully wish that we could continue down the path we were about to embark on- parenting our child- (what should be). In reality we must now walk an unknown and unasked for dusty trail.
As we stand poised at its gate, we don't want to push it open.
Fear of many unknowns, heightened by the knowledge of our immediate past (which has stripped us of our innocence) makes that first step very hard to take. Do we even want to choose to go on? Hopefully, we remember that life is full of journeys - some smooth - others rocky! We take the first tenative steps...
Making Choices is important
This path of "what will be" will certainly be filled with hills and valleys...requiring lots of energy. Fortunately, as we slowly move down its course, we learn that we can make choices and discoveries that will ease our steps.
What we begin to understand is that our journey requires time and patience with many "pauses" for resting, contemplation, and exploration.
where a tree is filled with peace and hope.
As we rest under it, we will see
the sparkling sunlight break through.
"Healing" by Vanessa in Australia
"Most of their life experiences
have been silently dominated
by this one event
because they were never allowed to grieve..."
What a great way to allow people to openly share experiences. I know so many people don't enjoy large group support, and this is an excellent alternative.
Men must benefit enormously from privately reading and learning about their grief and the reality of the death of a baby.
Just goes to show that the pain and grief associated with the loss of a baby is universal and timeless.
I work with women who lost babies many years ago (up to fifty) and most were denied a chance to get to know their little ones...told to just go home and forget. I now know how damaging this attitude has been to them.
I appeal to any "older" parents to write down their story, acknowledge their child and tell the world. Their child deserves the right to be remembered, and the parents have a right to remember.
VanessaAlexander and Timothy Hicks -
15/8/89
Daniel Amos Hicks -
26/6/90
Perth, W.A Australia, 1/22/98
Vonda Kaye from Toronto, Canada:
I lost my son, Aric Robert, June 17-97 at 8 month stillbirth. Thank you for this page, your support group, and understanding.
Part of Marcia's reply: "Groups and support will only 'work' when we seek them out and use them to our best strengths. The griever must take the responsibility to heal. This can happens gradually.
A mom/grandmom helps us understand how others might be feeling about a loss...
I want to thank all of you at SHARE Atlanta who helped my beautiful daughter, Ondrea, after she miscarried her first daughter, Dakota. You were the sounding board that she needed when I was probably at my most inadequate.
Tess in Jacksonville, FL 7/23/98
To Continue...
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