SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Grief Support

SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Grief Support Relationships and Grief

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Note to Family and Friends...

Question: "I understand a little more why our relationships become so complicated after a loss. Is there a way to help others better understand how they might help at this time?"

Here are some ideas suggested by some of our SHARE Atlanta members. Many of these are found in the SHARE Atlanta Brochure, "Be Truthful in you Grief" that we offer. Please ask for it at our meetings or email us for it. It is free to our members and there is a small charge for others.

We also talk alot about this issue in our meetings in the "Grief and Relationships" group and in our "Significance of You and Your Baby" group. More grief information can be found in our drop down box go to "Allowing Grief to Happen to Heal.

Letters and thoughts...

A poem to Family and Friends

A letter to Family and Friends

A poem to Friends in Memory of Joshua by Ada (10/12/04)

Be Truthful in Grief

Just be honest with me
Don’t tell me it’s going to be all right
You don’t know that
And I don’t believe that

Tell me you don’t have the answers...
Because nobody does.
Don’t tell me God is punishing me,
Or testing me,
Or making me stronger.

God didn’t kill everyone else’s babies.
Why should I be singled out?
I’m no better or worse than the rest.
Life is not fair or just
Sometimes it does not make a bit of sense

Are you so arrogant to believe
That you have the answers that scholars have
Sought for so many lifetimes?

Just be my friend
Just hold my hand
And tell me the Truth
Tell me that you are sorry
Tell me that you can’t fix it
Tell me I did nothing to deserve the death of four babies.

Tell me I will be a good mother
Even if my body cannot bring our own baby into the world.
Tell me that you love me and
You believe in hope for the future
Because I’m too weak to believe that right now.

-Sharon Cryor
November, 1996
SHARE Atlanta

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Dear Family and Friends,

This letter was suggested to help us deal with the death of our child and to validate his short life. Your support has been very important to the both of us, but here are some guidelines to assist you. This letter is not meant to criticize, just to give you ways to keep aiding us.

The guidelines are just that - guidelines. We know that not all will apply but since this letter is going to different people we decided to list them all.

Offer a hug.

Often we would like to talk about our baby’s death and life. Ask us if we would like to talk about it. If we do not, we’ll let you know. We want to talk about it, our hopes and dreams.

We are sad because we miss our baby and he cannot be replaced by anyone else. We lost a whole future when he passed away.

Plant a tree or bush in his memory.

Our grief and healing process will be painful and will take time. Our lives have changed; our perspectives and goals are different. The process can take anywhere between 18 and 24 months.

If you want to visit the cemetery, please ask. It means a lot to us to show you where our baby is buried.

We would like to discuss other topics since life must go on.

Please be patient with us. We may say or do things that we wouldn’t normally say or do.

Not every day will be a good day. There are good and bad days.

Our baby’s due date, birth and death dates may be very hard on us. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Christmas will be difficult. Please be tolerant.

To the family: Please include our baby when counting the number of grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or cousins. Even though he is not living, he is still a part of our family.

Remember our baby and that he meant the world to us.

If you have any questions about this letter, please do not hesitate to ask us about it.
by K.and D.Richer, SHARE Atlanta '97

Marcia's thoughts: Many of these are found in the SHARE Atlanta Brochure, "Be Truthful in you Grief" that we offer. Please ask for it at our meetings or email us for it. It is free to our members and there is a small charge for others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A Poem to Friends in Memory of Joshua by Ada Sullivan

Please don't tell us it's time to get over it.
-time can never heal our pain.

Please don't tell us to move on.
-we wake up every morning don't we?

Please don't tell us to have another child
-could you replace yours?

Please don't tell us, at least we have other children
-which of yours would you give up?

Please be our friend, please listen, please be there.
Friendship is the best thing for us.

Ada
Joshua Daniel Sullivan
NJ
Oct. 12, 2004

4/63 "Our Butterfly" Hanna's story by Ada (10/12/04)

Ada's website about Joshua's story

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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