SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Grief Support

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Thoughts about Miscarriage and Ectopic Loss...by Marcia McGinnis

...I was devestated
and to make matters worse
I had to go visit my in-laws
who proceeded to treat the problem
totally medically and
pretend that there were no emotions..
And I had to behave so I
didn't make them uncomfortable.
Colleen G.
7/1/97
SHARE Atlanta

Kayje Elena...
Before I even knew you were there
You had gone on to be with grandma
I wish I had seen you before
Always in my heart, Mommy

Kat
Andover, MN

Ectopic Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage: Occur before thirteen to twenty weeks

Cause immediate confusion...

Because, most often, there isn't a baby to see (though sometimes there is a very tiny baby in a late miscarriage that the parent might see...), sometimes the parent has just had a confirmed pregnancy test, and some aren't yet aware of the pregnancy.

As one nurse pointed out, because of today's medical advancements and situations, many parents find out the news right after conception, and the planning begins.

Some parents-to-be have shared their exciting news, while others are waiting until they have (due to an expanding waistline) to share their news!

With these various situations, parents' minds can dart in many directions.

a. "Should I claim this loss as a 'baby' loss?"
b. "Should I pretend it didn't mean anything?"
c. "Should I pretend it didn't happen?"
d. "Will others see this loss as a significant loss?"
e. "Should I listen to my heart..., my head..., or others...?"

Some of what is ultimately decided is determined by:

a. The situation at the time of loss
b. The parent's age
c. The parent's beliefs, etc.

Sometimes their initial reaction changes as time goes by - often it takes years before the final decision is made.

At SHARE we believe that every pregnancy is the beginning of a future, and that every person should be given the permission/opportunity to grieve their loss. It is our hope that parents can hold their experience and memories - in whatever manner that is comfortable for them. (Marcia McGinnis)

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