My name is Gaelle. I lost my baby Quentin on February 7th, when he was 6 days old, and after 371/2 weeks with us.

Last week, we just learned that we are pregnant again. I am now in my 6th week. And I am scared to death. We had not hoped to become pregnant so quickly (it took us 16 months for Quentin.)

We went to our doctor last Tuesday and talked about what kind of care we can expect. I have had trouble sleeping, and have felt more than once fear growing in my stomach.

I would love to have an e-mail mom or mom-to-be correspond with me. All those emotions are so hard to describe to somebody who has not lost a baby. I need to be in contact with somebody who can relate with what I am going through.

If there is somebody out there who would like to do the same, please feel free to contact me! :-) Thanks a million for all your help. Your group is great. It helped me sooooo many times. Take care. With love and hope, Gaelle

My husband and I were married April 5, 1997 and wanted to start a family of our own right away 1. because of my age 37, and was dx'ed with cervical cancer which 2 lesions were removed and everything was fine.

We became pregnant one month later, we were estatic. We already had names picked out. Ben Jr. for a boy and Carolyn Marie after our deceased mothers.

Everything went great up until 36 wks. I began to cramp and went to the dr. I was 2cm's dilated and was sent home on bedrest. No further testing was done. I went to my weekly appts.

On Feb 5, 1998 I went to the hospital expecting to bring home a healthy baby but enstead we delivered a Born Still Son. He wt. 4lbs 14 oz. 21 inches long. He looked just like a miniture version of his father. His dx from the autopsy was Interuterian Growth Retardation. Low birth wt.

After several months of counseling and medications I finally got my head together enough to start trying again. We were lucky once more, but on Nov 18, 1998 we suffered a m/c at 12 wks and 4 days. We did not know what the sex was because it reabsorbed after 2-1/2 months, with only a sac remaining.

Those have been the toughest times in my life. I went to Consouling Parents for approx a year and deciced to quit going, the stress level and anxiety got to be too much.

To our surprise we have become pregnant again. We are now 20 wks along and keeping our prayers going from all of our friends and families. I know what can happen but We are trying to keep a positive attitude.

I pray a lot for a baby and a good pregnancy. Today, four months later, I am pregnant again. I thanks to God for this new opportunity and I hope that I can keep the baby that now lives inside of me. I am sure that I will because I feel blessed. I have no morning sickness and no asthma, everything look fine.

I found this site by looking for infant toys for my new baby that is on the way. I am four and a half months pregnant which I thought I could never do again.

On January 22 1999 my husband and I went to the ER because our baby wasn't moving. The baby had been moving since I was four months along so I called the doctor who told me to go straight to the hospital. When I got there the nurse asked how far along I was and I told her 24 weeks to the day.

Then she asked if it was my first baby and I told her yes. I started getting scared when the where trying to find the baby's heartbeat with no luck. Then they decided to do an utrasound and my husband was watching the screen and I saw the look on his face and just couldn't understand what was wrong.

The nurse took me back to a room and told me to change into a gown and left. I looked at my husband and asked why I had to stay and he said the baby's heart wasn't moving.

So they enduced my labor and I had a baby girl the next day. We named her Mackinze and buried her.

Today I am 21 weeks along with our baby and I am on full bed rest because my cervicts is thining out. I have been told what they can do to keep from having this baby, but that it I probably will not carry to term.

I have a good feeling about this baby and i just pray that it will be a beatiful heathly baby.

I think your page is very helpful and am very happy to see that there are other mothers out there that can support one and other. Thank you for replying

I guess the biggest thing that has changed is that we are pregnant again! I am almost afraid to write it here (afraid of jinxing things). I am 7 weeks along, and miraculously this baby is due on the day that Kylie was born. It shocked me a little when I realized that, but I take it as a good omen that maybe a little bit of Kylie's soul will be with this little one. My children (Paul & Hayley) were excited that we can celebrate both of the birthdays together. They have come through everything so well. Even though they are still sad about losing Kylie, they also have fond memories of the time she was with us.

I started trying to get pregnant in April. Even though I could tell that my hormones were not yet back to normal, I cried when I got my period. I felt so resentful of having to start all over at ground zero when I should have been big with Kylie. I worried a lot about what if it took a really long time or never happened. April was probably the only time that I was really angry about Kylie's loss. I was angry with my doctors, with God, and with people who don't understand.

I had really wanted to be pregnant before Mother's Day. I didn't want to go to church and see all the new mothers honored. Instead, we went to the coast where Kylie's ashes are scattered and had a picnic. I felt like in this way we included her.

On May 31st I did a HPT and found out that I am pregnant. My hands were shaking and I wanted to shout the news to the world! Of course caution has set in and we have limited who we are telling yet. I interviewed several OBs and found 1 who I think will be extra supportive for this pregnancy.

We had our 1st u/s on Monday and saw our little one's heart beating. This was very comforting, but I realize that we are not completely out of the woods yet (of course when are we ever? LOL). I feel very excited to be pregnant & very optimistic about having a healthy baby in my arms in February.

The only thing I am not particularly excited about is repeating the whole beginning of another pregnancy. It is kind of disappointing to know that the baby doesn't even look human yet. I want him/her to start kicking me, to look pregnant, etc. I am being extra cautious about what I eat, not getting overheated and all the little things I can control with the pregnancy since there are still so many things which I cannot.

I will be glad when Kylie's due date passes (July 16th) because then I won't be constantly thinking, "I'm 7 weeks now, but I would have been 37 weeks).

I had an early (5 weeks) miscarriage before I conceived my daughter Hayley. When Hayley was born I felt like she was the baby I was meant to have and that gave me some comfort about the miscarriage (because I would have never had Hayley otherwise). I was thinking about having this baby and I realize there will be a little guilt/sadness involved in loving the baby so much because I also loved Kylie so much, but I couldn't have had them both.

Rob had continued to be an angel throughout everything. Sometimes I have wondered how he has put up with my moods. He is really excited about the new pregnancy, especially since we saw a real heart beating. The only difference is that he doesn't want to tell his family that we are pregnant for another month. He says that as soon as his mom knew we were pregnant last time she kept gently nagging him about taking good care of me and the baby. He said he's not ready for that pressure yet this time. I guess it's not only us mothers who feel stressed about the things which we wish we could control, but can't.

Wow...I can't believe that next week I will be through the 1st trimester! I probably seems silly because we lost Kylie well into the 2nd trimester, but I think after a loss you worry about any kind of loss. I realized that the statistical odds for a 1st trimester loss were higher than for a repeat of what happened with Kylie.

Overall, I have been pretty relaxed with this pregnancy (much more than I thought I would be). I have had a couple of "crazy" moments though. Last time I wrote I mentioned that at 6wk4days I had an u/s which showed a heartbeat. At 9 weeks I saw the doctor for my regular visit. We were leaving the next day for a vacation far from home and I wanted some reassurance before going. We couldn't hear the heartbeat by Doppler yet and insurance wouldn't cover another u/s. After a brief pow wow, my dh and I decided to pay for an u/s ourselves. I know it was silly because I was having lots of m/s (all day) and I could feel my uterus already. In my heart I felt like all was well, but I knew I would be more relaxed on vacation if I knew for sure. I am really glad we did it...the reassurance was well worth the money.

Another moment came after we returned from our wonderful vacation. I went upstairs to the Birth Place (I work in a hospital) and asked if they would listen for the heartbeat on their Doppler. I was 10wks5days and have always heard it earlier. The nurse couldn't find it (I think they are more used to looking for the heartbeats of full-term babies).

So, when I went back down to my office I began to worry more and more as the minutes ticked by (of course). I called my doctor's office and asked if I could come in and have them listen. They told me to come right in. I met the new doctor in the practice and he was really nice. He told me that the staff had told him about my loss with Kylie and he said he was very sorry and how traumatic it must have been and he knows I must be feeling very nervous this time. He said he would check my uterus and listen with the Doppler. He said the baby is growing nicely.

When he tried to listen with the Doppler he couldn't find the h/b either. I think I was looking at him with big, frightened doe eyes because he looked sympathetically at me and told me that he was sure everything would be fine, but we could do a quick u/s to reassure me. We went to the u/s room, my regular doctor peeked in and asked how I was doing (really nice guy) and wanted to give the Doppler a try. He found the h/b immediately. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "I know this lovely lady would love to see her baby on u/s so let's just pretend we didn't hear that" :-) The u/s was great. We could actually see the baby's face. S/he was kicking and wiggling all around!

Oh, and just as a side note, two of the wonderful women I work with came in my office and offered prayers for our baby and for Rob and myself since they knew I was concerned.

I decided to rent a Doppler and it arrived the following day. I thought I'd try it, but not count on it since it might be impossible to find the h/b yet myself. Well, I found it immediately. THIS THING IS SO AWESOME! We use it for a quick check daily and although it sometimes takes a minute to find the baby (seems to move all over and sometimes the sound of my blood flow gets in the way) we always find it. It puts a giant smile on my face every time and I am now REALLY bonded to the baby (especially as I begin to see my tummy grow). Twice I have heard the baby kicking on the Doppler...that is so cool.

Kylie's due date was July 17th. I made it through without crying, but dh & I thought about her a lot (especially every time we saw a cute baby girl). In my mind, February is the time I associate the most with her loss since that is when she was born. We planted the tree my coworkers gave us in our backyard and we are looking for a statue of an angel or a little girl to place beneath it. I think I am somewhat relieved to no longer be pregnant with this baby during the time I should have been pregnant with Kylie.

I am now about 4 weeks from the time that Kylie died, so I am wondering if things are going to get really scarey for me. I will be really glad to finish the month of August. My SIL is visiting us and I find I am talking about Kylie as much as this baby. We are going to visit the coast and my dh mentioned that we can take her to visit where Kylie's ashes are. I was very surprised and pleased that he thought of that :-). I really want to share Kylie's Memory Album with her, but I am a little nervous about it since I know she wants to start trying to conceive next month.

We love and miss our little Kylie so much, but life is becoming sweet again...I never thought I would feel so at peace with life again and I will try to enjoy it for now.

Marcia's thoughts: I think it will give the women below your story some hope. I suggested to Tina how important supportive doctors are to us mommy's as we are moving through these subsequent pregnancies...and there it is in back and white with your own thoughts! How blessed you are to have these two men there for you, not to mention the friends who are praying and the husband who knows what to say!

I love all you are doing in memory of Kylie. Yes, it is easier to go through this if we are not carrying one child during the same as the other (though it happens alot). Your heart will probably churn during this next month, I know many of our moms (including me) have said as much. But, it helped me to know that others did survive this time and getting my fears out in the open helped me. I know that others will identify with your thoughts as you write them for others to read. So many of us feel these things and can't express them. Seeing them in print helps! I'll be thinking of you as you move through this month.