SHARE Atlanta

One of our groups mothers wrote a loving letter for our newsletter about her daughter's grief and her "need" to attend our support group.

When I first listened to my daughter, Jennifer, talking about the SHARE group and what they "shared" at these meetings I was slightly alarmed. I felt that the only "help" these women gave her was in allowing her to wallow in self-pity and grief.

I now see that they were able to accomplish what I couldn't. They allowed her to remember the two babies she lost through miscarriages as two real children whose lives ended far too soon.

As the months and now years have passed, I am starting to examine why those first few experiences Jennifer shared with me were so difficult. I heard Jennifer talk about how some of the women do not feel that they are getting support and understanding from their parents and, in some cases, even their husbands. They do not seem to realize that this is an ongoing process.

Well, I would like to say to all of you strong, loving, compassionate women, that it might be time to look at at it from our point of view. I was a grandmother the moment Jennifer told us she was pregnant. When she lost the first baby, and then another eleven months later, I was very sad, but my main concern was my daughter's emotional state. I could do nothing about my grandchildren, but my faith allowed me to believe that they were with God and that one day I would see them.

...who was in so much pain that we could not even talk on the phone without her crying. Then SHARE came into the picture, and they not only let her cry as much as she wanted, it seemed like they encouraged it.

If I couldn't keep them from getting hurt, then I wanted to be there to "make it better". I now know that I could not make this better by telling Jennifer to forget about her miscarriages or, if she could not forget, then at least she should get on with her life - without dwelling on these sad losses.

Don't you see why your parents and, possibly, even your husbands have a hard time with this type of support? They preceive it as a way of dwelling on the sadness and not looking to the future...and maybe you'll never be better no matter what we say or do. ...If you could somehow communicate to your parents that this is a way of making you feel better, perhaps they could understand why it is so important for you to continue to remember your babies.

..Time passes so quickly, we should not waste it trying to make others see only our point. ...Be compassionate to their feelings, and you may find that they will respond to yours. ...Maybe in doing so we will find that we really don't feel so differently after all.

Carol is the grandmother of Jesse, Jamie, Jacob, and Braxton(age 4) and Cullin(2 ) and a wonderful supporter of SHARE Atlanta...now.1999 :-)